A blog of one's own

Cat, Dog, Mama, Paw paw

2011-08-21T16:18:00.001-06:00

These are the words that Leo knows.

Not too many, but he sure does know how to eat!

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You are my sunshine

2011-07-25T17:47:00.001-06:00

My Leo.
Until just now, you've been the sunniest baby I've ever known. And now you hurt. I'm sorry. Who knew that those vaccines would hurt so badly? Emma must have known that is was going to hurt when she yelled at the nurses, "Don't hurt my Yaya!"
We're hoping that the pain & fussiness will fade soon and that the sunshine in your smile will return. And then we'll be able to focus on the tasks at hand--getting you to start talking and gaining weight! And maybe to stop climbing on the table.
You are so brave! There is nothing you can't climb or conquer. While so far, you've remained uninjured, I'm sure it's only a matter of time before we end up in the ER after some of your hijinks.
And now you sleep! Not so much at naptime, but at night you do, and for that I am thankful. The only complaint I would make is that you no longer want to cuddle and rock and sing the shema at bedtime. As much as I miss our sweet bedtime routine though, I do so love to see you sleep in your silly frog-legged position, head-cocked to one side, half-drunk bottle on your lips.
My Leo. You may not be smiling your sunny smile today... But you make me smile one of my own.
I love you.

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A conversation I don't want to forget

2011-06-13T06:53:00.000-06:00

All last weekend I coached Emma to say “Albuquerque” and that daddy was going to Albuquerque for a few days and while he was there he would buy her presents.
Last Monday, as JMT was saying his goodbyes, this is the conversation that ensued…

JMT: I’m going away to Albuquerque, Emma. Do you know what that means?

Emma: You bwing me pwesents?

JMT: Yes, Emma. I bring you presents. What kind of presents do you want?

Emma: (matter-of-factly) A man.

JMT: (visibly startled): What kind of man?
Emma: (matter-of-factly) A black man.

Big grown up boy

2011-06-13T06:49:00.002-06:00

Eating lunch this Sunday afternoon on the patio at Panera. He knows when his picture is being taken, and gives this big grin for the camera each time.

I'm amused

2011-05-10T14:34:00.001-06:00

By my little monkey, who spent most of our last grocery trip squatting backwards in the cart like this.

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I'm in love

2011-05-10T14:32:00.001-06:00

With the two of them, and all their little secrets and rituals. It makes me so happy when I catch little moments like this.

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Wild Goose Chase

2011-04-25T16:44:00.000-06:00

The children of mixed-religion marriages often end up with some mighty interesting religious-ish traditions.

When I was growing up, my folks didn't want me to miss out on decorating for holidays, but we didn't do anything for Christmas. So, when my birthday would roll around (soon, people, soon), they would lug the utility ladder out of the garage and plaster it with crepe paper. We called it the birthday ladder. It was wild and colorful and festive, and there was room on each of the rungs for presents! I'm sure my friends all thought we were nuts... but we were. So nothing lost there.

This year, on our way to JMT's parents' house for Easter dinner, we stopped at Confluence Park to look for geese. Emma has been particulary fixated on geese lately... in that slightly creepy way that only a two year old can be... so we thought it would be a fun way to spend some time together as a family. Wouldn't you know it, though, the area that is usually filled goose-shoulder to goose-shoulder with fowl was a ghost town. Not a goose to be seen (but plenty of evidence that they'd been there). So, we embarked on a literal wild goose chase around Columbus. In the end, we settled on some ornery ducks in the pond at Schiller Park. It turns out the geese were all hanging out by the horseshoe at OSU. JMT found them today while he was out running.

As I think about the type of traditions that I want for my kids to look back upon fondly, I hope that the Easter Goose Chase becomes part of the memories they conjure. Next year, we'll know to check out campus on our way to Grandma and Papa's house. And who knows, maybe this is the year for us to start a birthday ladder?

Not so sweet

2011-04-11T08:36:00.001-06:00

Leo waking up a dozen times in the night in teething pain and me having a 13+ hour day at work the next day.

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So sweet

2011-04-11T07:56:00.001-06:00

That Emma has discovered how cozy cuddling in mommy's bed can be.

E: "this you spot?" (patting pillow)

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Random things

2011-01-31T12:34:00.001-07:00

Random things…

Leo is amazing. At 10 months old, there is nowhere he can’t get to. He’s not walking, technically, but standing and scooting and pushing things all around. He says Mama. He plays peekaboo and claps his hands. He’s almost always smiling. And that smile is no longer toothless. He has three teeth and another on the way.

Leo is a fearless and voracious eater. We may never finish off the last of the baby food, because as soon as he learned how awesome it is to eat real food, he dove into it wholeheartedly. To date, he has never turned his nose up at anything. Except mama… right now he is on an intermittent nursing strike that is frustrating and occasionally maddening to me. It began after a painful blood draw. He doesn’t seem to want to spend much time snuggling with me since then… I think he’s voicing his protest in the only way he knows how.

Emma is a goofy and talkative delight. Her verbal skills are no longer measured in number of words, but in complexity of sentences and creativity of ideas. She has mastered shapes and colors and is counting to 10 (usually in order, but frequently skipping three). The other day, she told us that Leo is white. Surprised and curious about her racial awareness, we began asking her about what color other members of the family are.

Us: What color is Emma?
Emma: White.
Us: What color is mommy?
Emma: White.
Us: What color is Rance?

Emma: Black.
Us: What color is Babycat?

Emma: Umm… Brown.
Us: What color is Wiley?

Emma: Mean.

Spot on.

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Don't let me forget

2010-12-12T17:08:00.001-07:00

That this is the weekend Leo learned to crawl. Oh, and that his first word is "mama" and he says it most enthusiastically when he's chomping on vegetables.

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Mommy, I all done crying now.

2010-10-26T16:08:00.001-06:00

Says my big girl at the end of a rough tantrum staged during the drive home from work/daycare. Followed by a sniff and calm observation that her "bace" (face) was wet. What a girl.

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Gummy Bear

2010-09-27T10:59:00.001-06:00

Each of our babies has a distinctive personality--a light in their eyes that tells a little bit about who they are and what kind of trouble they'll be getting into in the future.

Emma was our little imp.

See the way she looks like she just might spring off my lap and go hide a pot of gold?

And Leo is nothing if not our sweet Gummy Bear (same jammies):

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A sad, sad story

2010-09-21T13:17:00.000-06:00

I rarely discuss politics with friends and family. My leftist ways are certain to rub someone the wrong way, and I'm not typically confrontational enough to want to argue our differences. But the way things are going back in my not-really-hometown of Colorado Springs is just wrong, and I don't care who hears me say it. Since my move to Ohio, I've had a hard time explaining "where I come from" to people in the context of my local government work. When I describe the way the City of Colorado Springs is self-destructing due to its funding woes, I think people tend to think I'm misoverestimating. This article landed on my desk today in the most recent issue of Governing magazine (Don't you go thinking I don't read interesting stuff!!). It describes the situation there nearly perfectly, and I hope that it does so in a way that won't incite partisan tomfoolery--and instead might lead to some meaningful and productive dialogue.

Here's hoping.

Colorado Springs' Do-It-Yourself Government

Denial

2010-09-15T19:33:00.001-06:00

I refuse to accept that this pain in my ribcage is a flare up of the old costchondritis. Refuse. I must have gotten punched in a barfight when I wasn't paying attention.

Yes, that must be it.

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Cup-tastrophe!

2010-09-10T08:49:00.000-06:00

Sometimes when you have two kids under two, and two parents who work full-time outside the home, this happens.

The funny bit is—the sink was completely empty, polished and disinfected Wednesday afternoon. This photo was taken Friday morning before 8.

Apparently we have thirsty kids.

Brown Eyed Girl

2010-09-09T11:34:00.000-06:00

For the past 22 months, Emma's true eyecolor has been a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. She was born with grey-ish, blue-ish eyes, and over time that color morphed into something a little more golden and greeny, but still difficult to define. Very recently, they are taking on a true brown hue. I'm so pleased, as JMT's eyes are the color of dark chocolate, and I always hoped our kids would share that trait with him.

Leo's eyes are changing much faster, and look like they will be brown as well. Unfortunately, there isn't a catchy song title to go with that.

These are some photos from our recent trip to Colorado. The whole botched family portrait attempt can be viewed here.

How Mama got her groove back

2010-08-19T10:43:00.002-06:00

The past few weeks have been trying for JMT and I. He has been involved in a very time consuming and frustrating project at work, and I seem to be spending more nights in work-related meetings than before. The juggling act that this has forced us into has been a hard one to master. Thankfully, being close to our parents has meant that we can enlist their help fairly often. We’ve worked out a routine on the night’s that JMT is on his own, in which one or the other grandma comes over before we arrive home and gets dinner started, and then helps him get the kids fed, bathed and to bed. He still hasn’t had a full night on his own with both kids—something he is very thankful and appreciative about.

While I’ve used my mom’s help on a number of occasions, I’ve been finding an odd sense of satisfaction running the night-time routine on my own on the nights that JMT works late. I’m not as conflicted this time around about striking the balance between working and staying home with the kids—I’ve made peace with being a working mom. But sometimes I miss doing “mom things” like making the family dinner and finger-painting with Emma before bath-time. Owning the nighttime routine from start to finish is like making up for those lost moments. And after those first few weeks of being a mom of two, when I couldn’t fathom juggling two at once with no help, I’ve begun to develop a rhythm.

Here’s how the night goes: Off work between 5 an 5:30. Kids picked up from daycare by 6. Pick up takeout (from a place with a drivethru) on the way home or make a simple dinner (like scrambled eggs and applesauce or pasta with meatsauce). Feed the dogs and let them romp in the yard for a while. Nurse Leo while Emma eats and then scarf down some dinner of my own. Lay Leo down in his crib to be entertained by the musical aquarium while I give Emma a bath. Rock Emma and give her a last cup of milk while we sing our nightly prayers. Then take Leo downstairs for one last round of snacks while I read or watch a little TV. Put Leo down to bed, wash dishes and make the bottles for tomorrow. Then go to bed. Somehow I’m able to do all that and be in bed by 9:30 myself. Strangely, that whole routine takes less time when I’m alone than when JMT is home—I guess because I’m not taking any time for adult conversation or watching our shows.

As much as I miss having him around—and I DO miss having him around!—it’s been nice to find out that I can take care of my family on my own. So much of being a parent is managing and positively channeling anxiety. To not be anxious about whether or not I can manage my family’s nighttime routine is a huge gain in that regard. Not that I’m not plenty anxious about other stuff… like out cross-country plane trip with two kiddos tomorrow… but that’s another story entirely…

In other news, Leo has joined the ranks of the mobile. He can roll from front to back and back to front now, and he can rotate around on the floor a full 360 degrees. Being able to motor around a little bit has made him an even happier baby, and it is a joy to watch him explore his toys with the joy that only a new baby can show.

Shiny Happy People

2010-06-25T13:23:00.002-06:00

Yes, Leo, I understand that you’re going to have a complex. Mama doesn’t write about you nearly as much as she did about Emma. But do you know why that is, future jealous son of mine? It’s because you’re such an easy baby! And because my time is stretched so thin that I don’t want to waste minutes that could be spent cuddling you on something so inane as writing about cuddling you.

That’s why I’m writing this while I’m at work.

Leo is 3 months old this week, and at 3 months, he is big, healthy, happy and sweet. He greets me with sunny smiles and coos whenever I lean in for a kiss. That is, when he’s not sleeping. Which he does like a champ (fingers crossed that mentioning this doesn’t jinx us). He regularly sleeps for at least a 6 hour stretch in the night and goes down to sleep remarkably peacefully.

I am not lying about how sweet and wonderful he is when we’re together. But the people at daycare probably think I am—because apparently he’s a different animal there. I’ve already had one parent-teacher conference about his bad attitude. The problem is he’s a mama’s boy. And used to spending time cuddling and cooing with adoring parents and grandparents. At daycare they need him to be more self-sufficient because they have a room full of mama’s boys and girls. I would love for him to be in a home daycare environment where he has more one-on-one time with the caregiver like Emma had at that age, but we just can’t find anything comparable to that here. Until then, we’re working on getting him to enjoy time in the bouncy seat or activity mat without yelling about how much he misses me. I have to say though… of all the problems he could have, I think that being a little too attached to his mama is one that I’m not going to fret about.

Mothering two hasn’t been as hard as I had thought it would be. There’s a lot more takeout at dinnertime, and sometimes the laundry goes from basket to basket without ever having been hung or folded between washings, but the kids are doing great. The greatest challenge to date has been taking both kids to the grocery store. I could fill the screen five times over with the tales of woe and lessons learned from that trip out. But all in all, I’m a happy mother of two happy babies, and I love every minute of it.

One more photo before I go to bed

2010-05-07T21:20:00.000-06:00

Emma, at the zoo on my birthday. Just seconds after this, the goat she was talking to reached forward and kissed her on the lips. To which she wagged a finger violently and replied, "No, no, no!"

Standard Operating Procedure

2010-05-07T21:17:00.000-06:00

After Emma was born, I wrote a lengthy account of her birth--both for my personal diary keeping purposes, and to help me work through the mixed emotions I was having about things not going according to plan.

To be fair, I feel like I should account for Leo's birth as well. I'd hate for 12 year old Emma to lord over 11 year old Leo that mama loves her more and she knows it's true because mama wrote an essay about how she was born, and didn't write one about him. I know that's ridiculous, but I've played the scene in my mind a dozen times already. They'll fight about enough without my adding literary imbalances to the mix.

So where did Leo come from... The story is actually a little interesting, in that I had some last minute issues with my blood pressure that could have potentially become dangerous for one or both of us. Throughout my entire pregnancy with Emma (and my normal, non-pregnant life), my blood pressure was nice and low. In the 90 over 65-ish range. Always has been. Then on the day of my scheduled induction with Emma, it had jumped up to "high". Can't remember the exact reading, but I recall my OB indicating that if I hadn't already been scheduled to induce, my BP was high enough that she would have recommended it.

I never thought much about that blip in my blood pressure trend during my pregnancy with Leo, until I went in to see my Ohio OB at about my 36 week appointment. After almost an entire pregnancy with low blood pressure, mine was starting to rise. At 36 weeks, it was still within the high end of the 'normal' range, but at 37 weeks, it was high enough for the doc to tell me to stop working and order some blood tests. I ended up having two rounds of bloodwork that showed that my liver enzymes were elevated and my platelet count had dropped by more than half. Being a good reader of the pregnancy blogs, I was educated about pre-eclampsia and HELLP, and was worried that Leo might not be okay. After the second round of bloodwork, my OB pushed up the date for my scheduled C-section so that he could get Leo out before things got any worse. According to the doc, I was still okay (although I did see stars every time I moved my head and I was swollen to the point of craziness), but my condition could go from okay to dangerous in no time at all and there was no need to wait to see if that would happen.

So, on March 24, nine days before his scheduled due date, Leo was born. A scheduled C-section is SO much less dramatic than an emergency C, and my recovery was a lot easier too--since I didn't have labor to recover from as well. I arrived at Grant hospital an hour before my scheduled surgery, and due to an overflow situation, got sent to a relatively posh labor and delivery suite for my pre-op activities, instead of one of the tiny triage rooms. We hung out there for about an hour and a half while I changed into a gown and got prepped for surgery.

After answering a lot of questions, getting an IV, and having visits from my OB and anesthesiologist, I was walked down to the operating room (not wheeled!) and got the the spinal block. The anesthesiologist added a longer-lasting pain med as well called duramorph (sp?) which lasted for about 24 hours and eliminated the need for IV pain relief after the surgery. From the time I walked into the OR until I had Leo in my arms was less than 20 minutes.

As comfortable as I felt with the idea of the C, and as excited as I was for Leo to arrive, I had about a dozen episodes of anxiety through all this that felt like I huge pressure and tightening of my chest. I talked to the docs about it, and since they were constantly measuring my vitals, they knew that it wasn't actually physiological. The episodes were scary to me, and I worried that they were an indicator of panic attacks to come, but I had the last of them during the surgery and have been fine since.

The best part about my experience this time around compared to last time, was that I was able to hold Leo right away. As soon as he was cleaned up, I got to hold him skin-to-skin. Before they even weighed him! We left the OR with him on my chest and I was able to cuddle with him and nurse him right away. I kept him with me for over an hour before JMT went with him to the nursery for a bath and to get checked out. What a treat compared to the isolation I felt when Emma was born and I was relegated to a solitary recovery room with a bored nurse and no one else.

The next best part about this experience was having our families around. JMT's folks were there for moral support before and after the surgery. It was a huge relief to JMT, I think, to know there was someone there for him in case something went wrong. It was great to have his folks hang out with me in recovery while he and Leo were in the nursery. And it was wonderful to have both sets of our parents around to visit with us, bring food to the hospital, and shuttle Emma around.

My recovery this time around was better too. I was up and walking around sooner, and braver about what I could and could not do sooner than last time. It was a little rough at the 24 hour mark when the duramorph ran out, but once I got on a good schedule with my pain meds, I did fine while I was at the hospital. And with only a few exceptions, I was fairly independent and mobile once I got home as well.

This maternity leave has been so different than my time at home with Emma. For one, I'm more confident and settled in my routines and approaches to a variety of baby issues. And also, I'm so much more busy! Even though Emma spends her weekdays at daycare, it is still a lot of work managing the lives of two kids under 18 months old! I've spent many hours nursing Leo and thinking about what I should write about this experience, but then I never get a chance to because who has time to write when you have two crazy babies?

Here He Is...

2010-03-31T18:20:00.000-06:00

Leo Benjamin... born 3/24, 7 pounds, 8.8 oz., 20 inches long.

Happy, healthy and perfect.

The last night

2010-03-23T21:43:00.000-06:00

Tonight is the last night of being a mother of one baby. One beautiful, sweet, darling baby (who loves the cream filling from the donuts at DK Diner). I've been excited for #2's arrival since we learned he'd be joining us. But the sadness of saying goodbye to my singleton relationship with Emma has been growing steadily until now it overwhelms almost everything else.

I think that the main factor is that 16 months is a great age for a baby! Emma is so fun to be with. She is absorbing new ideas, synthesizing information at a speed I can hardly keep up with, and learning to make us laugh with her adorable sense of humor. She has just begun to consistently call me mama (a word preceded by many... most notably "shoes"). She endears herself to me by calling out for me when she needs something. While she lights up for daddy's dramatic arrival every evening, I'm the one she reaches for when something hurts or doesn't feel quite right. It's as if finally my love for her is no longer unrequited.

So the steady uptick of pregnancy excitement has been paired with this sadness. I know that I won't love my girl any less. But I do know that there will be less of me available to her, at a time when she's just begun to articulate how much of me she wants in her life. It makes me sad to know she will never remember these days where she was my one and only. She will always know life as part of a pack, and will never remember when mommy's attentions were focused solely on her. I know it's better that way... but it is sad to me.

***

So yeah, it's the last night. We're having a scheduled C-section tomorrow. When I found out I was pregnant with #2, I never really considered a VBAC. Which is funny considering what a process it was to get over having a C with Emma. As it turns out, like last time, this decision wouldn't have been mine to make in the end anyways. As the weeks have progressed, my blood pressure's been a risin'. To the point now that it's starting to effect other systems in my body. The main concern at this point is my platelet count, which has been dropping over the past few weeks. The doc moved up my C date after my last round of labs, so tomorrow is the day whether we like it or not! March 24 will make a good birthday--easy to remember and fun to celebrate as it is the day after JMT's mom's birthday.

A thoughtful entry about thoughts I'm thinking

2010-01-08T08:29:00.004-07:00

For weeks now I’ve been trying to organize how I’m feeling about so many things—new job, new town, new baby… not to mention the holidays, my no-longer-new baby who is now more of a toddler with jet-packs, and everything else going on in our lives these days. Maybe one of these days I’ll get stranded alone with my laptop and have the opportunity to get it all down in one place. In the meantime, I’ll try to focus my attention on one area—the forthcoming baby.

Here’s a summary of what I’ve been thinking in regards to New Baby: HOLY CRAP, I’M HAVING ANOTHER BABY SOON!!!

It’s funny how this pregnancy is different for me. First and foremost, I’m healthy. No nasty costochondritis to deal with (so far… knock on wood). No pre-term labor scares (again, with the wood and the knocking). The worst of my ailments at this point (28.5 weeks along) is the persistent heartburn. But I can handle that. I did have a run-in with one of my morning sickness meds early on that was pretty scary (tardive dyskinesia from the reglan.) I’m feeling big and cumbersome and easily fatigued—but overall pretty okay. The major difference this time around is my mental state. I am calm! I am not afraid that something catastrophic is going to happen every time I cough or hiccup or feel a funny little twinge about the midsection. It’s great! My main worry about the pregnancy these days is that I’m not worried enough.

The pregnancy is one thing. Actually having a second baby is entirely different altogether. I’ve got plenty of worry about that! Up until about Christmas, the pregnancy and new baby were more of an abstract idea—something to talk about, mull over, and plan for… but not really “real”. The hecticness of the holidays and the constant “Next year at this time I’ll be doing this with 2” thoughts took their toll. In less than 3 months, we’re going to have an even more active, more mobile, more expressive toddler with jet-packs AND we’re going to have a tiny, tiny baby who has needs and funny schedules and itty-bitty clothes to wash.

For example, the reality of what my post-maternity leave after-work routine will be is harrowing. Right now, I get off work between 5 and 5:40, rush to daycare to pick up Emma and drive for 25 minutes back to the house. She usually screams 75% of the way home. I get home, corral her in the living room and take the dogs out before I start making dinner for the two of us. I try to have dinner on the table by 6:30—7:00 at the latest. Hurry through dinner and hopefully JMT comes home before we head her up to bath time and bed. I try to have her to bed by 7:30—8:00 at the latest. This rush gives me no time for any superfluous tasks. The time after 8, when I’m exhausted from a day that started at 5:30 am, is when dishes, laundry, showers and hair drying get done. Not to mention trying to have adult conversation with JMT. Where is a baby going to fit in there? Where does the nursing and the changing and the rocking go? I won’t go into the morning routine, but it’s basically this one in reverse starting well before the sun rises and culminating with me being at my desk at 8 am. There’s no room in the morning for me to have a second cup of coffee. How am I going to fit in this baby? Obviously the division of labor in the house is going to have to change. I think I’m going to appoint Rance in charge of laundry and floor mopping.

So those are the kinds of thoughts I’ve been thinking these days. A savvy commenter would note that the solution would be for me not to work, or to work less. I was lucky in Colorado to be able to work ¾ time, and I bet that a set-up like that would help a lot. Unfortunately, since we still own our Colorado house (and receive much less in rent for it than what we pay on the mortgage each month), the finances dictate that I work full-time. And it’s not that I’m looking for answers right now. I just thought I’d share what’s swirling around in my head right now.

But lest I make everything out to be negative and unpleasant, here’s an example of a ray of sunshine that keeps my life bright:

What a Year!

2009-11-17T13:44:00.005-07:00

Let me first start out by saying...

Happy Birthday, sweet Emma.

It's been quite a year. Emma has come so far in such a short time. At one year old, she is still such a happy baby. Always flirting with strangers and waving to them in the grocery store. Happy to share her blocks or gummed up cheerios. She has five teeth, and loves clacking them together like a crocodile--I think she likes the sound it makes. Emma isn't yet walking regularly, but can motor across the floor at such high speeds that walking is irrelevant. She loves opening and closing things--doors, cabinets, boxes--and enjoys putting objects into other objects. Like putting her toys into a bin. In the past few weeks, she has taken to coming by to sweetly lay her head against my leg for a moment before she speeds off to the next great adventure.

The next year of Emma's life will be full of changes--most notably the addition of another baby to our family next Spring. Emma will learn to be a big sister and will be forced to share our attentions. She will get to enjoy to lots of grandparent time now that we've moved to Ohio. She'll have to adjust to me returning to work and a return to daycare. She'll learn to walk and run, and hopefully say some things beyond just Daddy and bah! But I hope she continues to cross the room to sweetly lay her head against my leg for a moment between adventures.

What we left

2009-10-20T18:00:00.006-06:00

I'm starting to get wrapped up in the goings on here in Central Ohio, and that's a good thing. But before I forget--I'd like to take a moment to reflect on what we left behind. These photos may not be worth a thousand words to you, but they are to me.

Our perfect little house:

The view from our deck--and where I watched dozens of beautiful summer weddings:

I love you, little house in Manitou.

We're Here

2009-10-13T10:19:00.002-06:00

We've been in our house in Grandview for a week now, and the cable man came today and gave us back our internets. It's been a long two weeks without my trusted friends inside the computer.

A lot has happened in these past few weeks, most notably watching strangers pack up everything we own, leaving the house of our dreams, spending a lovely weekend in Aspen, and then starting up all over again here in Ohio. I love our new house, our sweet neighbors and our peaceful neighborhood, but it's not "home" yet for me. I'm hoping that the coming weeks and months of happy events--Emma's birthday, Thanksgiving, the December holidays--will help to make this place feel more like ours.

Emma has been mostly oblivious to the whole thing. She's enjoyed spending the days with mommy and the dogs. She has three and a half teeth now, crawls at lightening speed, and can climb the stairs. She's not walking yet, but she can stand unsupported for longer periods.

Baby #2 is coming along nicely. I'm 15 weeks now, and definitely showing. My new OB does lots of ultrasounds, so I was able to see it yesterday--of course it looks mostly like a ghost blob, but it was neat to see its little hands clasped into to tiny fists.

A good reason to move back to Ohio

2009-09-17T13:04:00.001-06:00

Grandma time makes Emma happy!

Spinning on that dizzy edge

2009-08-26T20:28:00.003-06:00

There's a lot going on in our lives right now. [editors note: understatement of the decade] JMT and I are moving back to our hometown in about a month. I'm pregnant again. JMT is traveling every week for work--has been for the last 6 weeks and will continue to do so until the move. I'm looking for a job in a different state. Looking for an apartment. Trying to organize my house, my life. It's a lot.

I've been singing this Cure lyric over and over in my head and I think it sums up what we're doing--spinning, dangerously close, to that dizzy edge. The edge of falling apart. But somehow, we are keeping it together, staying on the edge and not falling in. I think that's because all of this is so right.

There's a part of all of us that second guesses major decisions--it's part of an internal gut check to make sure that we don't end up doing something terribly stupid. I second guess most every decision, from what I wear to work and eat for lunch to my daycare and nutritional decisions for my child. But, strangely, I'm not second guessing the decision to move back to Ohio. Something about it just feels right deep inside. Raising our family with our family is the right thing to do. A childhood in Colorado would be full of mountain adventure, but no secret snack-time rituals with Grandma or ornery adventures with Grandpa. The photos would be great, but the memories would all be missing something.

I won't say that I'm not sad to leave. I took a walk with Emma through downtown Manitou today and fell in love with this town all over again. I love the obnoxious tourist trap t-shirt stores, the dreadlocked hippies and their rangy dogs, the streetcorner philosophers and the midwestern yokels soaking it all in. I love the architecture and the art, the fountains and the stream. I love that my first child was born here. Perhaps she will soak in some of the local color and it will shine through her wherever we live. I love that we've had this experience in this amazing place.

But I am looking forward to going home.

Toothy

2009-08-24T10:45:00.002-06:00

We’ve had a hard time capturing photos of Emma’s two resident toothes, but here they are, in all their pureed carrot glory:

Cycling bib courtesy of Aunt Sis.

Bathing Beauty

2009-07-30T21:40:00.002-06:00

A few weeks ago, we kicked off the beginning of the Tour de France with a pool party. Emma sported her ultra-cute bathing suit and robe from Aunt Sis. She didn't know what to make of the water at first, but eventually splashed around a little and played with her ducky.

My friends inside the computer

2009-07-21T08:31:00.003-06:00

A few months back I endeavored to record some of my pearls of mothering wisdom, cultivated from eight whole months of experience, and I always meant to post one more item. This one is about my friends inside the computer. You know, the ones I've never actually met, but who entertain me, educate me, and commiserate with me on a daily basis.

I came upon the genre of "mommy blogs" while I was expecting, and have found endless hours of reading entertainment and a sense of kinship and community that I never would have expected. Here are my favorites:

The Modernity Ward: Mothering stories full of punk-rock awesomeness, archives including PCOS and IUI drama.

Dooce: More punk-rock mothering awesomeness and excellent photography from a recovering Mormon. Dooce is famous for being the blogger that got fired for writing anonymously about work back in the early days of blogginess.

Moxie: A parenting question-a-day advice site with unbelievable archives. Moxie herself is thoughtful and provides great responses, but the true strength is in the daily cadre of loyal commenters who provide support and insights to one another. The archives have questions and answers about any possible parenting concern you might have. Moxie's philosophy and advice have given me confidence to parent Emma in the way that feels best and most natural.

Urban Baby: The exact opposite of Moxie. A snarky bunch of totally anonymous NYC mamas who tear each other to shreds over anything and everything. It's like watching a train-wreck. And addictive. A guilty pleasure.

Those are my friends inside the computer. Who are yours?

Love. Hate.

2009-07-07T09:58:00.001-06:00

I’ve been wanting to write for some time about my love/hate relationship with nursing the Emma. The phrase love/hate is misleading, though, because it implies that I feel the two in equal measure, and I don’t. Most of the time, I feel the love more. And it is good. Real good. I can feel it in my bones good. But when that other pesky emotion sneaks in, I feel it hard. So hard that it pushes all the good stuff far away into the corners and out of the light and makes it hard to breathe.

Emma took to nursing immediately and our first many months were the kind that people who have trouble nursing hate to hear about. Good supply, good latch, no health issues, plenty of goodness all around. Enter the love.

I think that our good nursing relationship was key in helping me to find my groove as a mother. I felt so purposeful, so competent. My life and my body, they had meaning. I was nourishing this little person. With my body! And she was thriving!

My favorite time of every day became the bedtime routine. I would put little Emma in her jammies, swaddle her (for the first four months) or zip her into a sleep sack (since then), turn on the Spa Radio channel on the Pandora, and nurse her to sleep while we lay in my bed with the lights down low and the new age music pulsed and whirred in the background. Many a night, I fell asleep there too, and we cuddled and snoozed and it was perfect. Over time, she learned to be transported first to the bassinet and later to her own bedroom to keep sleeping, and I would get to have a few hours of adult time with JMT and my life felt balanced and so, so manageable.

Man, just writing that makes me want to hit fast-forward on the day and start the 7pm roundup right now.

When she was tiny, there were plenty of full-on love moments during daytime nursing as well, when she would fall asleep on me, or when she learned to look up and smile at me when she was done. All good things. And now that she’s a bigger girl, there are the sweet sleepy moments when her body is heavy against me and we can sit for an hour or more while the day goes on around us, and the silly moments when she decides to make a game of things and repeatedly pull away from me and then dive bomb back in for more, and the giggly moments, when she thinks that this nursing thing is just the funniest thing ever, and the serious, “I are hungry baby” moments, when she takes the business of nursing very seriously—furrowing her brow and focusing very, very hard at the task at hand.

All good. So good.

So what about that other thing I mentioned? The hate? Well, it’s in there too. And in increasing amounts. And it manifests itself in ugly ways. Like the tears. The frustration. And the doubt. And the crushing sadness. The growing feelings of inadequacy. Yeah, I hate those.

The unbelievably trite cliché, “All good things must come to an end” comes to mind here. I have always known that I won’t be nursing Emma when she is seventeen. So of course, I knew that eventually I would stop nursing this kid. Preferably before she learned to drive. But I also thought, perhaps naively so, that I would be able to stop nursing Emma on my terms. That at the time I decided, I would do as the baby-rearing textbooks advise and gradually decrease her time nursing, cut out pumping sessions, etc. I figured I’d have an epiphany sometime after her first year and begin the process of ending things.

What I didn’t expect was this long, slow death. For the past three months, my milk supply has been diminishing bit by bit. I’ve done everything the good Internets tells me to do to improve the situation: the tea, the fenugreek, the expensive supplements, drinking enough water to sail a boat on. No dice.

I could write so much about the specifics of how this sucks. I could write about how demoralizing it is to spend 40 minutes a day at work pumping, and only coming up with enough milk for the daycare provider to spike Emma’s formula with one ounce per bottle. I could write about the pain of watching Emma’s increasing disappointment that there just isn’t enough. I could write about the cuts on my arms that I could swear Emma inflicts on purpose with her little razor nails when she’s trying and trying to get enough to eat, but there just isn’t any more to be had. I could write about the horrific realization that those cries we’d been hearing for days weren’t from teething pains, but rather hunger pangs, and were quickly remedied with a nice big bottle of formula.

But I won’t. What’s worse than all of those things is the sadness. The loss. I can supplement Emma’s dietary needs with formula, and she doesn’t seem to mind. But I can’t seem to find a supplement for what I’m losing: the contentedness, the feeling of competence and purpose, the love.

What makes this harder still is the slowness of it. Since a little breastmilk is still better than no breastmilk, I don’t feel like I can cut off cold turkey. So my sadness has become an open wound that cannot heal. Not yet. It’s like a long, slow break-up where you rehash all the good times and the badness over and over before you say goodbye for the last time.

The rational part of me knows this is all nonsense. Emma is happy to drink formula; I am privileged to have had as good of an experience with nursing as I did; we are healthy and well provided for; I’ll get to stop pumping. I know. But the sadness, it defies reason. It cannot be bargained down. It just has to be, to work itself out. And that’s what I hate.

Tooth!

2009-06-19T20:52:00.004-06:00

Thursday June 18th, the first chomper showed itself. Here's a photo of her gummy grin before the teeth. She'll never look like this again!

So much to say

2009-06-08T11:20:00.001-06:00

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Originally uploaded by steal jane

I have much to say about our family vacation last week. and many photos to share We had a great time galavanting about the eastern half of the country seeing family. Even all the traveling (air and car) wasn't that bad. The highlight for me, however, was watching JMT and Emma become best friends. Of course he has always loved her. Of course she has always been happy to see him. But after 9 days of nearly constant contact, their interactions have become a joy to watch. They are my two great loves.

What well rested looks like

2009-05-26T14:30:00.001-06:00

Last night was one for the history books. Emma slept through the night. Woo Hoo!

Bitter. Sweet.

2009-05-20T12:23:00.001-06:00

This morning when I brought Emma to daycare, I had one of those d’oh! moments when I realized that I had forgotten to bring her milk. Daycare had let me know the night before that Emma was out, and even though I’d made a mental note to bring more in from the freezer at home, and even though I remembered for a split-second at 6:15 this morning, I still forgot to pack up a bag and bring it in. At least I didn’t pack a bag of hard-won* milk and leave it on the counter to spoil!

Since JMT wasn’t available for a milk-run this morning, and since I had a meeting that would keep me from going home to get more, I decided to go over at lunch-time today to nurse Emma. All morning I stressed about my meetings and time, and whether I’d get a chance to eat anything since I hadn’t packed a lunch. I also noted the irony that one of the main reasons I gave for choosing this daycare was its proximity to my office so that I could go nurse at lunch, and this was the first time I was actually going to go do it.

11:00 rolled around and as I headed over to daycare all the little stresses of the morning melted away. When I got there, the bigger kids were playing outside and Emma was napping peacefully in the bassinet. I stood over the bassinet for a few moments, watching her sleep… her warm rosy cheeks, her eyelids fluttering, fist thrust above her head in cherubic protest. I let her wake up slowly as I pulled away her blanket, and I delighted when she finally opened her eyes, saw it was me and smiled from ear to ear. We sat outside to nurse. The weather today is spectacular. A perfect early summer day in Colorado. About 75 degrees with a light breeze. I sat in a patio chair near where the bigger kids were playing, but soon we became the main event**. Emma would hardly concentrate on nursing because six little pairs of eyes and hands were all drawn to her. She giggled and grinned at all of them, until finally they were shooed away by the daycare provider.

I want to remember this moment forever. Emma, warm and rosy from her nap, nestled sweetly in my arms, the warm breeze, the giggle and banter of a yard full of little people. When Emma was done nursing, I sat with her for as long as my watch and daytimer would allow. I rested my lips on the top of her head and her wispy hair tickled my cheeks. She watched the bigger kids with rapt attention, but leaned hard against me. I fought tears then, as I do now, knowing that this moment, just like Emma’s babyhood, was fleeting. And then I handed her over to the daycare provider, whisked back to work, and the day resumed.

I am struck by the perfection of those moments with my baby. I never want to forget the warmth and weight of her in my arms and the sweet smell of her hair. Days like this, I want to pack up my desk and never look back. I want to be Emma’s full-time mom, not a part-time employee. I am blessed to work at a job I enjoy that allows me more flexibilities and benefits than I deserve. But really, I am treading water here for six hours a day while I wait to see my girl again. My mind is never fully focused on the task at hand; my heart is never fully committed to my work.

But do I really want to chuck it all and stay at home? My main worry is that deciding to stay home would be a decision I couldn’t easily unmake. I could certainly find work again, but a job like my current one only comes around once in a career—and then only if you’re very lucky. And are afternoons like this one not really real? Are they more like summer camp romances than real-life relationships? Are all the emotions and sensations heightened because the end-date is known and you’re trying to soak in every moment before you’re on the bus back home? Staying at home would not be filled with moments like this, or at least not moments I would recognize, because staying at home would be full of to-do lists and grocery trips and housecleaning and dirty diapers and corner cutting and penny pinching. Every afternoon would not be 75 degrees with a warm breeze and the sounds of happy children playing outside. But maybe some would. And would that be enough?

*Some day I need to write about my love/hate relationship with pumping. For now, let it be said that I’m only pumping enough for one bottle a day, which daycare thoughtfully divides up and uses to sweeten the formula that we’re using to supplement my wimpy supply.

**One of the older kids asked where her food was, and I had a heck of a time thinking about how to explain nursing to a three-year-old. I wonder how many unusual dinner-time conversations will be sparked by my afternoon visit to daycare. I realize now that I will need to perfect my explanation of where milk comes from before the next toddler starts asking me questions!

Sweet Potato

2009-05-19T08:43:00.000-06:00

God bless the solid foods, for they lead to sleep-filled nights.

For the past few days, Emma’s interest in purees has surpassed just gumming them around in her mouth, and now she ravenously gulps down one and two jars of fruits and veggies at a time, usually mixed with some rice or oatmeal cereal to add texture and iron. The last few days have included monster feeding sessions, and the last two nights have included only one wake-up each. It’s amazing how much better rested I feel when I only have to get up once in the night with the baby instead of three to four times!

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-11T08:50:00.001-06:00

I never would have guessed what a joy motherhood could be, or how lovely a quiet Mother’s Day planting in the garden and eating Italian take-out could be. But oh, how it is a joy.

How could it not be with a coy little girl like this in my arms?

Baby Steps

2009-05-11T08:49:00.003-06:00

Life with the Emma is full of firsts. This weekend, while Aunt Sis was visiting, we experienced a few. Emma’s first wine-tasting (she stayed in the stroller, we tasted the wine), the Bumbo seat (photos to follow in a day or two) and Emma’s first drink from a big girl glass (above). She was adamant that we let her drink out of the cup! This was our first trip to a restaurant in which she got out of the stroller and interacted during the meal. We went to The Loop, where she chomped on a corn chip and a piece of carrot, and then washed it all down with some slurps from my water glass.

Costochondritis Questionnaire

2009-04-21T09:03:00.006-06:00

(say that 5 times fast)

I love me some Google Analytics. I created an account for myself a few weeks back, and had a blast finding out where all y’all come from and how you find this blog (shame on you person who googled “ginormous belly pics”),. It made my heart warm to know there were so many folks checking in from time to time. The overwhelming trend for new visitors was people who find this blog after googling some combination of “costochondritis, pregnancy, holy-hell-this-pain-in-my-ribcage-is-going-to-make-me-lose-my-mind”. Since this is ICLW week (see the linky graphic thingy to the right for details) I thought it would be a good time to ask folks a couple of questions. Go ahead and leave your answers in the comments. One of these days when I’m feeling motivated, I might compile all the comments from here and other posts I’ve done about costochondritis into a mega-post on the subject.

For those new to the costo, costochondritis is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects your ribs to your sternum (breastbone). It causes acute pain at that junction that can make your life suck. I had a particularly awful case of it during my pregnancy that was fairly well treated with a combination of acupuncture and physical therapy. Some folks ain’t so lucky and have to resort to ultrasound guided cortisone injections, opiates and/or bedrest.

The Questions for Folks Who’ve Been Pregnant:

1-During your pregnancy, did you ever have pain in your ribcage? (If no, you’re done. If yes, please continue on.)

2-On a scale of 1-10 (1 being barely noticeable, 10 being hysterical emergency room craziness) rate the worst the pain ever felt.

3-How often did you feel this pain?

4-Did you seek treatment?

5-If yes to #4, from whom (OB, regular doctor, naturopath, etc)?

6-What was their diagnosis?

7-What was your treatment plan?

8-Did it help?

9-What was the approximate reduction in pain? You can answer numerically—for example 9-2 would mean: my pain was originally a 9, after treatment I’d rate it as a 2.

10-Did the pain continue after you delivered?

Bonus-Anything else you’d like to share about your rib pain?

Thumb. Toes. Bananas. Sleep?

2009-04-21T06:14:00.002-06:00

It's been a busy week for Miss Em. For a couple of weeks now, I've been thinking about posting a development update, in keeping with the "baby book" aspect of this blog. But really, she hadn't been up to much. But then this last week was an explosion of tiny developments.

First--the thumb. On Friday, I noticed a peculiar sucking sound coming from the vicinity of Emma. I looked over, and she was going to town on her thumb. I know this doesn't sound like much, but up until now, Emma has been a whole-hand chewer. The dexterity to separate out the thumb and position it for optimum suckage is new. It's cut down on pacifier time substantially, and she always seems so pleased when she finds it. I've been too slow with the camera to catch it yet, but the funny part is the visual. She doesn't know what to do with the rest of her fingers, so she alternatingly waves them around or grabs her nose with them.

In addition to her tasty thumb, Emma has also found that, with a little more effort, her toes can fill in as a tasty treat. At first, she would catch her toes in her field of view, and track them, like Walter the cat tracking a toy mouse... but she didn't quite have the know-how to get the toes to go where she wanted. Now when she catches a glimpse of them, you can watch her little machine of a brain work to remember how she makes the toe thingies work again, and slowly she moves her legs close enough for her hands to grab her feet. It's precious. I'll admit, I was feeling a little worried that she hadn't noticed them yet. I know a friend of mine's slightly older son found his toes at four months. And while I've been good at repeating the good mama mantra of "all children develop at a different pace" I couldn't help but compare.

The third snack Emma learned to enjoy this week was bananas. Since she was about 4 months, I've been checking in once a week to see if she has any interest in solids. Until this weekend, the answer had been a resounding no. And then we tried bananas in that mesh feeder thing. And she loves them! She's been eating about an inch of banana for breakfast and usually dinner too for four days now. It's adorable. She's so engaged in it, and happy and sticky and proud of herself while she's rubbing banana goo all over the the high chair and herself. After a lot of reading about introducing solids, I've been leaning toward the baby led weaning camp. And after watching Emma's reaction to being in control of the banana, I think I'm sold.

And then sleep. I had planned to post this yesterday after it happened to record the fresh excitement. Night before last, Emma only woke up one time. At 3:30. For five minutes. I don't know if it was the tummy full of bananas, or a brain quiet after the turmoil of working through so many new developments, but it was lovely. Especially because it was a cool, humid (for Colorado) night--great sleeping weather as my dad would say--and I was able to enjoy the relative peace of being unneeded for a stretch of nighttime hours. Last night, she woke up at 10:30 and I just brought her to bed with us, so I don't know for sure how sleeping would have gone if she were on her own.

This one's for Rachel

2009-04-02T20:29:00.003-06:00

This week I had my annual eye doctor appointment. It was time to pick some new glasses. There were so many cute ones... I couldn't make up my mind. So I asked Rachel for some help, and she helped me pick the ones above--all via camera phone! Thank you, Rachel! I wish we got to spend more time together!

Here's another one

2009-04-02T12:16:00.001-06:00

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Originally uploaded by Teals West

I just love her expression here.

Last one for today

2009-04-01T14:19:00.001-06:00

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Originally uploaded by Teals West

This one is my wallpaper on my work PC. She has just cracked herself up over the lion roaring noise that she made when she pressed the button her right hand is on. We call her excersaucer her "office" and she likes to spend lots of time there "working".

And Receive Some More

2009-04-01T14:18:00.001-06:00

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Originally uploaded by Teals West

Crazy Jungle play mat part 3.

And Receive

2009-04-01T14:16:00.003-06:00

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Originally uploaded by Teals West

Happy to be on said crazy jungle play mat.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

2009-04-01T14:16:00.001-06:00

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Originally uploaded by Teals West

Here's one of Em the other day on her crazy jungle play mant

Oh, and another thing

2009-04-01T12:21:00.001-06:00

I'm ticked that it's virtually impossible to keep all of my posts in a consistent font. What is up with that? It's like the defaults just keep changing on their own!

Things I've Learned Along the Way--More Books

2009-04-01T12:11:00.004-06:00

There are two books that I forgot to add to the last post. And it's funny that I did because one of them was the whole reason I wanted to write the post in the first place!

The Milk Memos: This book is a compilation of notebooks that some ladies at IBM in Boulder kept in their lactation room. It's full of advice about nursing and pumping. If you're like me, and end up pumping a couple of times a day from work, you're likely conflicted about at least some, if not many, aspects of being a working mother of a new baby. This book is like an old friend who has been down the road before. Full of advice and comfort. I highly recommend that any pumping mom keep a copy of this in her pump bag and pull it out to read frequently during those lonely at-work pumping sessions.
Sleep is for the Weak: This book is a compilation of humerous and touching blog posts from a variety of "mommy bloggers". I hate the term, but I love the book! Again, a good one to have in the pump bag. And since it's broken into short blog posts instead of long chapters, its easy to read in small bits. Like the three minutes of quiet before the baby realizes that she's laying alone in the Pack-and-Play and NOBODY IS PAYING ATTENTION TO HER!

Things I've Learned Along the Way--Information Overload

2009-03-25T15:21:00.002-06:00

I struggle with two competing parts of my personality. One part wants to read and learn everything there is in print (on paper and the web) on whatever particular subject is of interest. I am a prolific researcher, and can find and analyze seventeen different viewpoints on a subject in the time it takes me to eat a granola bar. This is the part of me that makes me a great student, and analytic thinker at work, and a well-informed person in general. Then there’s the other part of me that operates on instinct, and feels terrifically conflicted when too many viewpoints come together and contradict one another. In most parts of my life, I can feel my way through these conflicts, and figure out which data works for me, and which is just background noise. But there are times, especially when the stakes are high, that I experience information overload and I have a hard time finding my way through the pile of thoughts, philosophies and statistics, and seeing the way I should take.

Pregnancy, childbirth and parenting information have brought me to that second place. The stakes are so high. Look at the post below… the person in question here is perfect. If I take the wrong advice, do the wrong thing, I could potentially harm that perfect little being. I know that’s an overstatement, but the overwhelming experience of being a first-time parent doesn’t always lead one to understatement.

As I’ve slogged through the last 4.5 months of new-parenthood and the 9 months before it, I’ve alternated between reading everything I can get my hands on, and periods of “data abstinence” brought on so that I don’t lose my mind. I wholeheartedly recommend stepping away from the bookshelf from time to time, and not letting any overzealous authors, bloggers or web-board posters get under your skin.

I have found some books to be helpful to varying degrees, and wanted to post my thoughts on them.

The ubiquitous What to Expect When You’re Expecting: Yes, I read it, but no I don’t recommend it. But I don’t recommend against it either. There are no secret pearls of wisdom in this book that aren’t available a hundred other places. That said, it is a decent compendium. Maybe if you don’t have internet access at home, it would be good to have a copy for reference.
Ditto What to Expect the First Year: I actually have two copies of this. Again, no insights that the internet can’t give me. That said, I do keep a copy by the bed and I do refer to it at night, when I need to read something while the kiddo nurses. If you need a copy, let me know and I’ll send you my spare.
The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy: Again, neither here nor there. There’s nothing new under the sun in this type of pregnancy book. But it did give a frank description of some of the less glamorous aspects of pregnancy and birth that others may gloss over or portray as insignificant. And it occasionally exuded some *mild* attitude that I liked. There are some kick-ass bloggers out there, however, that dish this attitude in spades and in a much funnier and more insightful way. I read a used copy from a garage sale. I think I paid the right amount for this book.
The Nursing Mother’s Companion: I haven’t read a lot of books about breastfeeding, so I can’t give a comparative review, but this book was my best friend in the first few weeks of Emma’s life. Emma and I have had a fairly uncomplicated nursing relationship (good latch, decent supply), so I haven’t needed the expert knowledge of say, a lactation consultant. But I did have a LOT of questions about whether or not I was “doing it right” (e.g. frequency, duration, amount consumed, sleeping arrangements). I found a lot of very useful information in this book and would wholeheartedly recommend it a first-time mother who wants to nurse. I’ve heard that the follow-up books in this series lean toward the judgey-judgey side, so I can’t speak for them. But this one is on my top three list for sure.
The Happiest Baby on the Block: It’s important to know what this book is for. It is not the answer to all of your baby’s sleep problems. It will not get your baby to “sleep through the night” if he/she is not inclined to do so already. The book is very narrowly focused at methods to get a newborn calm from crying/fussing. And at that, it is very good. Almost eerily good. If you’re expecting, get this book before the kiddo is born and be prepared. You can and should use the methods it suggests starting on day 1. Now that we’re at 4.5 months with Emma, not all of the remedies work anymore like they did in the earliest days, but some are still effective.
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child: Where to begin. I’ll try not to be too snarky. I know a lot of people who think this book is the gospel, but I honestly don’t know if they read it. I mean, really read it. Frankly, I don’t know if an editor read it before publication. Yes, it contains a lot of good scientific data about why good sleep patterns are important for a child. But it does not provide a prescriptive method for achieving said sleep. Basically it says, “some people use this one method and it works, others use this other method and it works, and I have no specific advice about which to try.” Then there’s that thing about it being written really poorly which irked me to no end. I am reading a self-help book about baby sleep because my child will not sleep. Consequently, I am tired. Very tired. As is probably just about everyone else who is reading this book. We should not have to re-read a paragraph two or three times to understand what the author is saying. Nor should we have to re-read the same information two to three times in the different (and sometimes even the same!) chapters because you forgot to edit the book. Often the author forgot to even write the book, and instead just posted his cryptic outlines. Okay, enough about that.
Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems (aka, the Ferber book): This book is on its way to me from Amazon. As noted above, my child will not sleep. At least not for increments greater than 3 hours. I know this is tied to her development cycles and cannot be changed easily. But I’d like to get away from the every two-three hour night nursing schedule we’re currently on. So I need guidance about how to humanely not address all the crying that happens when Emma wakes up and wants to nurse. I know the Ferber method is contentious, but I’m going to at least read the book before I cast judgment. [For those not in the know, the Ferber method proscribes a method of graduated extinction, letting the baby learn to Cry-It-Out or otherwise self-soothe itself back to sleep. A lot of parenting activists believe this is cruel and unusual punishment. I do not yet know what I think.]
Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense: Another I haven’t read yet, but one that comes highly recommended about beginning the transition to solid foods. So far, we think we’re going to attempt a system of baby-led weaning at around 6 months, rather than force-feed pureed baby foods. I’ll report back when I read the book and learn more.

No more suspense

2009-03-25T05:51:00.004-06:00

Apologies, because these are low-res, and unless I want to spring $100 for the digital rights to them, that's how they'll stay.

Emma was a doll during the photo shoot (March 7) and only after they turned off the lights and we started to pack up did she fuss. And fuss! I hadn't taken much stock in getting photos like these done in the past, but given how these turned out, we'll be back! Next time hopefully I'll be able to drag JMT along and get one of the whole family.

Sneak Peek--Part II

2009-03-21T13:52:00.000-06:00

Sneak Peek---The Photoshoot

2009-03-19T23:29:00.002-06:00

From the Bureau of Vital Statistics

2009-03-13T09:23:00.002-06:00

At four months, Emma is 14 pounds, 2 ounces (64th percentile). She is now tall enough to dispense with the inches measurements, and will henceforth be measured in feet. My daughter is two foot two (97th percentile).

Where Babies Come From---or Sliding Ass Backwards Down that Slippery Slope

2009-03-13T09:13:00.003-06:00

For four months now I’ve been mentally processing the story of how Emma came to join us and working through the challenges of that day and making peace with the way that reality didn’t line up with years of daydreams and expectations. I’ve been thinking it important that I write it down soon, before it gets much more blurry around the edges, so that the important parts aren’t forgotten, and so that I can lay the story to rest in my mind. In the end, Emma’s birth was an entirely different experience than I expected—and yet, I can’t really imagine having it be any other way.

It all began with a scheduled induction one week before Emma’s due date. After suffering through ten weeks of Braxton-Hicks contractions (six of which I was on Procardia to keep them from progressing), I was exhausted. I’d had severe edema initially brought on by the Procardia, and was exhausted, uncomfortable, irritable, and LARGE. At my 38 week appointment (a Thursday), my OB asked if I’d like to schedule an induction for the following Tuesday, which was her next day on-call at the hospital. I enthusiastically agreed, happy that I didn’t have to beg, but sad she hadn’t offered to do it that minute. Later on, I had mixed emotions about induction, knowing that it’s often the first step on a very slippery slope of interventions, and I second guessed my decision all weekend.

On Tuesday morning, we arrived at the hospital bright and early at 6:45, after dropping the dogs at doggie day-care, and one last trip through the McDonald’s drive-thru. The hospital was brand-new, having opened only a few months earlier. Within seconds of checking in, we were whisked down to our birth-suite. It was as nice as a hospital room can be—decorated like a swanky hotel, and as spacious as the top floor of our house. The nurse took my vitals, and my blood pressure was through the roof—after remaining very low throughout the pregnancy. I firmly believe that if I had gone to the doctor the day before, and she’d seen my BP, a diagnosis of pre-eclampsia would have been imminent and we would have ended up inducing that day or the next. After we settled in for a few minutes, the nurse came to start the Pitocin drip.

As much as I had read about inductions, I wasn’t prepared for the fact that once the drip was going, I would be tethered to a fetal monitor until the baby came. I couldn’t go more than three feet away from the monitoring machine for more than a few moments at a time—never longer than a quick trip to the bathroom.

The Pitocin started to regulate my erratic (albeit frequent) contractions, and I began to progress very, very slowly. I made the rounds from standing and swaying to birthing ball to a variety of positions in the bed throughout the course of the morning, doing everything I had learned in baby class to help things along. The nurse kept cranking up the Pitocin dose, JMT and I watched some daytime TV (Mythbusters, Dr. Phil, Days) and at one point our friend Jeff stopped by.

Nothing we did got the labor moving along though. So after a few hours, my doctor came by and performed an amniotomy. This was the first drama of the day. First of all, it was quite possibly the most uncomfortable part of the entire experience. I nearly climbed backwards up out of my skin to get away from the doctor. Poor JMT… having to watch that and then watch the chaos that followed. My ginormous belly was apparently chock-full of fluid. The most the poor nurse had ever seen, and according to my doc, close to the most she’d ever seen as well. After the rush of fluid, I zoned out for a few minutes. And it’s good I did, so that I didn’t freak out from the commotion. Once they broke the water, the baby’s heartbeat crashed for a short-period. About five minutes went by before she stabilized and we could breathe easy again.

I’d been hoping that after the amniotomy, the labor would start chugging along, and it did a little, but not enough. I was eventually pressured into receiving an epidural by the nurse after the contractions I was having took over as back labor and I was dilated to about a 3. I maintain that the nurse was too pushy about the epidural, and that I could have and maybe should have lasted a lot longer without it. That said, I was tired and weak, and I didn’t take much convincing. Then came another piece of the puzzle I knew about but wasn’t prepared for—once I had the epidural, they wouldn’t let me out of the bed. So my labor really slowed down.

So now I’m stuck in the bed, and my labor isn’t progressing much, and it’s getting to be about dinner time. JMT went down to the cafeteria and got some spaghetti and I worked on some Jell-O and apple juice. Here’s a question. When they give you Jell-O in the hospital, why is it the sugar-free kind? I needed a little blood-sugar boost, and no amount of the imposter Jell-O would give it to me!

The doc and nursing staff convened and decided to start cranking up my Pitocin drip, and when they would, my contractions would get more regular and start to resemble the little peaks and valleys that they should. Problem was, however, that every time a contraction would start to be productive, little baby Teal would start to crash. Her heart rate would slow during the contraction—which is to be expected. The problem was that it wouldn’t get back to where it was supposed to be before another contraction would come. So over time, she was getting more and more compromised. It got worse as things continued, and we were really beginning to worry about the kiddo. My doctor brought up the possibility of a C-section, and we were not happy about that. We asked that she try any means left to stabilize the baby without resorting to a C.

After she thought about it for a bit, the doctor provided one more chance to avoid a C. She reintroduced fluid in the amniotic sac through something like a reverse catheter in order to relieve the baby’s distress. This worked for a little while, but my labor practically stopped because they had cranked the Pitocin back down to almost nothing in order to alleviate Emma’s distress. So then we were stuck in a holding pattern. We could keep Emma out of distress by not inducing labor further, but the clock was ticking now that my waters had been broken. I was already running a slight fever, so they were starting to worry about infection. We were no longer standing at the top of a slippery slope. We were sliding down it at mach speed, ass-over-teakettle.

By this point, it was about 8:45 pm. We were sapped after a full day of labor and fear about the baby. Our friends Jeff and Christina had been sitting with us for a while, and helped us make peace with what we had gone through. We assented to the C.

Turns out, a C-Section ain’t that bad. At least not for me. After we gave the okay, things happened very, very fast. JMT got suited up in scrub gear, I took off my jewelry and we were whisked down the hall. The part that took the longest was my doctor trying to figure out how to assemble a piece of the operating table that had been removed earlier in the evening in error. By 9:44, our little Emma (who was yet unnamed) was in JMT’s arms. Although I was completely awake for it, the C-Section wasn’t painful. Because of the epidural I could feel pressure and pulling during the procedure, but no pain. JMT sat by my shoulder and looked over the curtain from time to time. He saw my insides. He saw them take Emma from my tummy. Hearing her cry and seeing JMT hold her was the happiest moment of my life. I have never been filled with more joy. I was so proud of the family we’d created.

When the doctor announced that Emma’s umbilical cord had been wrapped twice around her tiny neck, the day’s drama made total sense, and all of a sudden the slippery slope didn’t matter any more. I went through the check-list of decisions I’d second guessed, and realized at almost every step, if I hadn’t taken my chosen path, things may have been worse. Specifically, if I hadn’t intentionally scheduled the induction, I believe my spike in blood pressure would have necessitated it anyways. Also, given the distress Emma encountered after the amniotomy, if I had waited for my water to break naturally, something catastrophic could have happened to her. Also, if I had labored naturally, I still would have likely ended up with a C-section, after the fetal distressed caused by the cord wrapped around Emma’s neck. At least we had the chance to mentally prepare and ask all our questions, instead of being whisked away for an emergency C during a more chaotic time in labor.

So… a long story, and one that I’m okay with now. Having a C-section was not my plan. There’s a lot of radical pregnancy propaganda out there that vilifies the C-section and those who choose it. It’s taken some time and a lot of mental processing to be at peace with the way things turned out. Now that a few months have passed and I’ve started thinking about when we might make another little one (not today, don’t worry) I’ve started thinking about my plan for next time. And rather surprisingly, I’ve willingly and happily accepted the idea of having a scheduled C-section next time instead of trying for a VBAC. I think for me, the drama with Emma’s birth was a result of things spiraling out of my control, not the ultimate means by which she was born.

So next time, a (scheduled C without a million hours of labor preceding it. I’ll be smarter about my recovery (no cooking Thanksgiving dinner two weeks postpartum) and more assertive about my desires (give me the kiddo to nurse and cuddle once before you wheel me away to recover for a couple of hours). I’ll know what to expect to some extent, and be able to enjoy every minute of the baby’s first days because I won’t be so busy beating myself up for the way he or she came into the world. Of course, that’s my Plan A. Goodness only knows what my Plan B will entail!

Somebody Please Explain

2009-03-11T10:46:00.005-06:00

How last night, Emma managed to take her pants off inside her Swaddle Me?

(Photo from this morning, after missing pants discovered and changed for daytime)

Whaddya think?

2009-03-06T10:08:00.000-07:00

New background. Too much? Just right?

Things I've learned Along the Way--Part I

2009-03-05T08:51:00.001-07:00

A good friend of mine from high school told me the other day that she’s pregnant. I am so excited for her, and I can’t help but think of all the things I’ve learned in the past four months or so that I wish I’d known then. I’ve been keeping a mental list of things I don’t want to forget for next time around. So, as time allows, I thought I’d jot them down here for posterity. Mostly so that the next time I find myself with child, I’ll have a handy reference. And if I can be helpful to anyone else, all the better.

For the hospital stay:

Don’t worry about packing a small, cute bag. Pack a bag that’s big enough for everything you think you might want, and has room to spare for the gifts that will likely arrive at the hospital.
Bring an extra empty tote bag too, just in case you have an overflow situation.
Bring the Boppy (or other nursing pillow). It’s hard to position the crappy hospital pillows just right, especially with a C-Section scar.
Pack at least two pairs of PJs for each day you think you’ll stay there. Saving room in the bag by not packing enough clothing isn’t a good idea.
Make sure the clothes you pack are things you don’t ever need to see again, in case lanolin, milk or other stains render them unwearable after the hospital stay.
Make sure the husband packs enough clothing too. Maybe he shouldn’t be in charge of packing his own bag.
Bring snacks or baked goods for the nursing staff.
Bring snacks for the husband too.
Don’t be in a hurry to check out of the hospital. Taking care of the baby at home is a lot harder than taking care of the baby in the hospital, where you have no other responsibilities besides said baby. Stay as long as the hospital and your insurance will let you.

Sweet Sixteen

2009-03-03T20:16:00.004-07:00

Emma is sixteen weeks old today, and I thought it important to take stock of where she is these days, since the times, they are a changin'. And fast.

Right now, Emma's main trick is to smile her drooly, gummy smile at you, and "agah" and "gee" (with a hard G as in goose) at you until melt. She can change gears so quickly, going from a wail to a gee in the same breath. She loves her hands, and spends much of the day weaving her fingers together and putting both hands in her mouth. She has almost entirely given up the pacifier in favor of a finger or a fist, which she sucks on noisily and joyfully.

Emma has terrific head control, and can hang out in a baby push-up position almost indefinitely. She rolled over a half-dozen times last week, but seems now to have forgotten how. She also now enjoys the exersaucer (though my design aesthetic does not). She'll sit in it for about 10 minutes with her tiny mitts on the little book/mirror combo, smiling at the sunshine toy.

Emma is sleepy in the mornings, and I have to wake her to get dressed and nurse one last time before I take her to daycare. When I unswaddle her, she stretches and yawns and rubs her eyes, and makes the biggest goofy smiles when I say "Good Morning". She is an angel in the mornings.

But not so much at night. Sometime around 6:30 or 7:00 most nights, Emma starts to fall apart and needs constant nursing, jiggling, or cuddling to keep it together. We are working on establishing our nighttime routine, which normally entails a 7:30 bedtime. With the time change next week, I know things will be up in the air again, so I'm not holding my breath.

Here's a picture of daddy and baby from last week:

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-16T17:23:00.002-07:00

IMGP3198
Originally uploaded by Teals West

This Saturday was Emma's first Valentine's Day. Much to my surprise, she received numerous Valentines, many from the kiddos at daycare. Emma and I spent the day together while JMT worked. Once he got home, we had take-out sushi and caught up on our Tivo. I know it doesn't sound terribly romantic, but it was exactly how I wanted to spend the time. JMT and I were lucky this year to have such a sweetheart to spend the day with.

Gettin' Crafty

2009-02-02T11:30:00.003-07:00

I was on my morning blog-surf this morning, and saw this posted on my friend Tricia's site.

The first seven people to respond to this post will get something made by me. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:

What I create will be personalized and intended for you.
It’ll be done this year (2009).
You will have no idea what it’s going to be. It may be knitted, sewn, papercrafted, used in a bubble bath, related to photography, graphic design-y, or perhaps a mix CD. I might even bake you something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that’s for sure!
The catch? You have to put this offer in your journal as well and make seven things for your friends! (If you have already done this, then I will happily add you to the list.)

This is a direct cut-and-paste so I can't promise knitted or sewn, unless I dig some projects out of the deep, deep archives. But I think it's a fun idea, and it gives me some projects to look forward to.

Let's get craftin!

Facebook Redux

2009-01-31T11:41:00.003-07:00

In the past few weeks, I've been spending more time on Facebook than I care to admit. After being "tagged" a number of times to complete the ubiquitous 25 things nonsense, I complied the other night. After putting it all together, I was actually a little proud of myself, so I thought I'd cut and paste here for posterity.

1. I don't know where to start. There's a lot of things about me, but I feel weird writing about them in this format.

2. I'm married to my high school sweetheart. We started dating senior year, and have been together ever since. I know it's unusual for relationships that start when one is seventeen to make it for very long, but so far so good!

3. I'm a new mom. I have an amazing, sweet, tiny baby named Emma. Before she was born, I didn't "get" the whole baby thing. But now I do. Sorry to all of y'all who saw my eyes glaze over when you told me your baby stories. Tell them to me again. I'm paying attention now!

4. I'm having a hard time making peace with the idea of returning to work next week. I've been home on maternity leave since mid-November. The idea of staying home for good is a foreign concept for me, since I've always been so focused on my career, but I'm starting to toy with it. I cry when I think about returning to work full-time and all the mental capacity that work will take away from what I give my daughter. I feel like I'm at a crossroads. On the one hand, I have a good career trajectory right now, and could continue advancing and earning more money, and on the other hand, I have this beautiful baby that I don't want the lady at daycare to raise for me.

5. In addition to the new kiddo, I have a house full of animals. Currently I have two dogs and one cat. All of them were "impulse buys" because of where I was emotionally when they came into my life, or because their stories were so sad. There's my cat Walter, who we bought the week of 9/11 when I needed something to brighten up my life in DC, Rance, the puppy with distemper we adopted two days after George W. was re-elected and I was in a demoralized funk, and Wiley, the geriatric weenie that we adopted off of death row at the pound because he was the most pathetic looking creature I'd ever met.

6. I'm disappointed by how hard it is for me to write these days. When I was a kid, I was a good creative writer, but now it's hard for me to channel my voice on paper (or on the screen). I feel like writing should be a good creative outlet for me, so I keep at it. But I'm never thrilled with the results. My current labor of love is a blog I keep at www.gaylejk.blogspot.com. Come post comments. It makes me happy when people do.

7. In line with the writing thing, I wish I had an aptitude for the visual arts. I would love to be able to draw or paint, or to figure out how to make a photo turn out nicely. As it is, I just try to live vicariously through the people I know who are good at that kind of thing.

8. Since it doesn't require any actual artistic talent, I scrapbook. I always thought that it was a hobby for old biddies, but then I started finding the zen in cutting and pasting, so I no longer judge. Plus, it's a hobby that requires a lot of shopping.

9. I've shed more tears this election cycle than I care to admit. I'm still an idealist when it comes to the idea of civic engagement. The fact that so many people got excited this election season was amazing and beautiful to me. In local politics, my job was also on the line this election, so I certainly had some nervous anxiety about that as well.

10. With the exception of one ill-fated and short-lived job in the private sector, All of my "real" jobs have been for the government--whether it was state, federal or local. While I could make a lot more money working in the private sector, I can't imagine not being part of government. That said, I have no desire to run for office. I think that the politics side of government is ugly.

11. I like sloths.

12. At the age of 30, I finally got a set of matching chairs to go with my kitchen table.

13. I live in a tiny log cabin that I love so much, I'm willing to forego a lot of cool things I'd like to have (like a dresser that fits all my clothes) in order to continue inhabiting it. Actually, I think it will be good for Emma to have limits to the amount of stuff she can have so that she doesn't get too wrapped up in having the latest everything.

14. Since I've been home on maternity leave, I've succumbed to a very guilty pleasure. Yes, I watch a soap opera. And not even one of the moderately believable ones. I watch Days. Go ahead and judge me. I know... it's not good.

15. One thing I've given up on since I've been home on leave is reading books about how to raise a baby. They were all making me crazy. When I found myself letting the baby cry while I dug through a pile of books looking for answers about how to make her stop crying, when what I could have just done was pick her up, I knew it was time to put down the books and just be.

16. I'm a little addicted to the internet. Okay, a lot addicted to the internet. Having a new (wonderful) macbook doesn't make it any easier to quit, because I feel like I need to spend a lot of time on the computer in order to justify getting it.

17. I love how facebook has made me feel more connected with friends--old and new, but I worry that I'm worse at making actual human contact because of it. One of these days we need to have a facebook boycott day and just call everyone we feel like talking to. But not today, 'cause I'm not finished typing this up yet.

18. My idea of a fantastic afternoon is to cuddle up in my cushy red easy chair with a cup of hot tea and a book. But I never get that afternoon because there's always so much to do and so many places to go.

19. I love being in school. I've always been kind of nerdy, but the older I get, the more I idealize academia. I really like where John and I live now, but there aren't any PhD programs around here in my field. I'd like to move to a city with a good program and go full-time. And then I'd be Dr. Jen. How scary would that be?

20. Until I got married, everybody called me Jenny, but afterwards, I thought that Jenny sounded funny with Teal, so I started going by Jen. It's funny because I know how old of a friend you are by whether you call me Jenny or Jen.

21. When I'm not on maternity leave, I teach Sunday School at my Temple. Right now I have first and second graders. I have a lot of fun teaching them, and it makes me think I would have had a good time as a school teacher. Teaching Sunday School is a good way for me to be involved with my Temple, since I feel a little socially awkward with the adults there. In a lot of ways, I still feel like a kid, and I have a hard time associating with all the grown-ups.

22. I'm making a concerted effort to wear clothes that have more saturated colors in them. I've recently realized that most of what I wear is pretty blah. So I'm trying to be more vibrant. I need Stacey and Clinton to come and tell me what not to wear.

23. I watch more TV than I care to admit. Right now, my favorites to watch with John are Lost, The Office, 30 Rock and Top Gear, and when I'm on my own, I'll watch any of the TLC/HGTV reality shows that are on. And Days. But we've already talked about that.

24. I have an issue with getting sucked into volunteer work, so much so that other areas of my life suffer. I've had to make a very conscious effort in the past year to scale back my "extra-curriculars" such that I have time to sleep, spend time with John, and take care of myself.

25. This was hard! And it took me a lot longer to do than I expected. Whew! And by the way, I'm not tagging any of y'all because I don't want to you feel like you're on the hook to do this.

Sleep!

2009-01-28T07:08:00.003-07:00

Last night was a big achievement for baby Emma. JMT is away on travel, so it was just the two of us. She slept in her own bassinet from 10:30 to 3:00, woke up for a half hour to eat, and then slept the rest of the night in her bassinet! This might not sound like a huge accomplishment to those whose babies have always slept in their own beds, but Emma has been co-sleeping since about four weeks--when JMT and I realized that we might actually get some sleep if Emma slept in the bed with us.

I never planned to be an advocate of co-sleeping. It always seemed a little new-agey to me, bringing to mind stories of parents whose 10 year olds still sleep in the family bed. But when Emma was about four weeks old, JMT and I were at our wits end. When we would lay Emma down in her crib or bassinet, she'd act as if it was electrified and shocking her. She'd scream and flail and freak out until we picked her back up. On numerous nights, I "slept" in an easy chair with her in my arms, nursing nearly non-stop. The only times she was at peace was in the bed with us. Because we were in a sleepless haze, it took us a while to have that lightbulb moment, but when we did, we gave up on trying to put her down in her own bed, and gave co-sleeping a whirl.

I've enjoyed the closeness with Emma, and the extra sleep it's gotten us. And I adore the tiny "minnow kisses" that Emma gives the inside of my arm when she's woken up ready to nurse and I'm still sleeping. But there are some disadvantages. Namely, you're never really all the way asleep when your tiny baby is lying in bed with you. Sure, it's better than not sleeping at all, but it's still not the quality restful sleep that I've been longing for. Also, in order to minimize the SIDS risk, we've been sleeping with the covers pushed down around our waists. And it's winter. In Colorado. My top half has been freezing for the past month and a half! And then there's the spit-up on my newly washed sheets. But who's complaining?

It's on this backdrop of mixed emotions about co-sleeping that I've been trying to put Emma to bed once she's fallen asleep in our bed. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. For the last week or so, she's taken to falling asleep in our bed, allowing me to transport her to the bassinet without totally freaking out, and then sleeping there for three to five hours--but spending the rest of the night in our bed, frantically nursing to make up for the terrible hours she spent six feet away from us.

Last night, I tried laying her down in the bassinet after her 3:00 wake up and meal, and she miraculously didn't fuss about it. The irony is that I was so certain that she'd wake up and change her mind at any minute, that from 3:30 to 4:30, I lay there anxiously awake, ready to spring up as soon as she started to yell. And then once I fell asleep, I woke up frantically around five because the covers were up around my neck and I was toasty warm, and I was horrified that Emma was in the bed and I was somehow smothering her.

One of these days, I'll learn how to sleep through the night too.

Swing photo shoot

2009-01-21T12:32:00.005-07:00

Here are a few photos from Emma's swing

A special day

2009-01-20T10:41:00.004-07:00

It might just be wishful thinking, but as Emma and I watched the Inauguration this morning, I swear she started paying attention to the television as President Obama spoke.

I don't have words to describe how amazing today feels for me. Watching Emma sort of focus on the television while our new President spoke was just a little too much for me to handle. I'm filled with so much hope for her and for the world that she will grow up in.

Photos!

2009-01-15T17:19:00.001-07:00

Back by popular demand...

Miss Emma!

Playing with her baby "gym"

Wearing her adorable froggy suit

I'm a big kid now

2009-01-14T19:17:00.003-07:00

JMT and I have now reached adulthood. No, it wasn't the birth of our child that got us here. It was finally purchasing a set of matching dining room chairs. They even match our table!

I ordered them on sale from West Elm, and they arrived today. In a fit of domesticity, I assembled the chairs, cleaned the upstairs extensively (I even mopped!) and carried three loads of cardboard and bottles down to the city recycling dumpster parked down the street.

Hooray for daycare!

Clean bill of health

2009-01-13T09:46:00.002-07:00

Emma had her two-month appointment with the pediatrician yesterday. After a thorough once-over, she was deemed a perfectly functioning two-month old. We talked about Emma's recent fussiness, and the ped gave us this knowing smile and said something about as comforting as "Yup, that's a baby for ya."

Her height and weight are progressing okay, as are her developmental milestones. Emma showed us up after I told the doc that she only occasionally pushes her whole top half up off the floor when we're having tummy time. The doctor rolled her on her belly, and Em immediately did her little baby push-up, making me look foolish. But that's okay.

The worst part of the visit was the shots. She got three shots in her little meaty thighs, and one oral vaccine. John had to hold her down on the table for the shots, while I sat on the bench and tried not to cry. She rebounded beautifully though, and within a minute was happily nursing like nothing ever happened. No sign of reactions to the shots yet, but keeping an extra watchful eye. Not particularly difficult since I had to work until after midnight last night!

Dear Mr. Graco

2009-01-11T07:55:00.003-07:00

Thank you for inventing the Graco Silhouete infant swing. Its 2 speed soothing vibrations, removable deluxe body support and fabric covered motion mobile were a life-saver last night.

JMT and I had been avoiding purchasing a swing because we'd heard that it was an expensive item that would only be useful for a few weeks. Then Friday night happened. Emma could. not. be. consoled. She screamed at max volume, flailing and making herself hoarse for two hours on JMT's watch before he passed the baton. I was only able to get her quiet by nursing her, which I did constantly from 2 am to 8 am.

After a little reading, we realized that Miss Emma fits the textbook definition of colic to a T. Three or more hours of fussiness/crying a day, three or more days a week, for three weeks. Damn. Thats us.

Saturday morning, I re-read all of my sleep books and realized we are doing everything that's suggested... except a swing. So off to Target we went. And as it turns out, every other parent of an Infant in Southwest C-Springs must have had the same night we did, because they were completely out of swings. Not one left in stock.

Under normal circumstances, I would have taken that as a sign that we should give up, but yesterday I was determined. So I took JMT to Babies R Us, and we struggled for quite a while, trying to decide between the Silhouette, and a $40 cheaper model that appeared to be no different except without the 2 speed soothing vibrations. We discussed the merits of each model for a good while, but realized that if the cheaper swing didn't work, we'd always second guess our decision, thinking that maybe the vibration mode would have been the secret.

So, long installation story later, the swing was up and running last night. Emma fussed for exactly one minute when we put her in it, and was asleep 11 minutes later. I had resolved that it would be okay for her to sleep in the swing at night, but tried to put her to bed in her crib just in case she was soothed enough to get over the fact that every night for the past month, she's reacted to the crib as if it were electrified and shocking her every time we laid her down in it. It worked! She slept in her crib for four hours last night! She woke up to eat twice between midnight and 7, and is calmer and more composed this morning after a good night's sleep than she's been in a while.

Thank you Mr. Graco!

Things I love

2009-01-09T12:07:00.003-07:00

On a nearly daily basis over the past month, I've thought to myself that I should get on the ball and post some updates here. But then every day, life takes over and I don't get around to it. Today I read a post on A Little Pregnant that summed up my dilemma well.

I had a moment of utter gratitude this morning that my life has turned out the way it has. So I thought it would be a good exercise this morning to make a list of things that I love.

-Most obviously---my family. JMT, Emma, our parents and siblings, and our friends. I am blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing people who love me and who I love.
-Those moments where Emma is standing in my lap, looking over my shoulder at something thoroughly fascinating, and then her knees buckle and she's just a tiny pile of baby in my lap looking up at me like "What just happened?" (yes, I'm supporting her weight with my hands under her arms--no worries)
-My new mac. I'm typing on it now. It makes me happy.
-Emma's bouncy chair. G-d only knows why it makes her so happy. But anything that makes her that happy (and quiet) makes me happy. Very happy.
-Wearing yoga pants on maternity leave. My jeans fit (about which I'm very happy too) but there's nothing as cozy and versatile as these yoga pants! And I got the ones that are made for "tall" people, so they're actually long enough and don't look like ill fitting high water pants.
-The movie WALL-E. JMT and I watched it last night. It was precious. As far as animated movies go, it's one that I won't mind hearing a thousand times from the backseat of the car when Emma is at that stage.
-Emma's gummy smiles. At first I fell into the "It's just gas" camp when it came to Emma's smiles, but now she smiles with her whole self, and you can tell that she really means it. If you could only see her eyes during one of her smiles, you'd know she was truly happy.

There are a thousand other things I could mention in this post. But right now something else that I love just happened. Emma just fell asleep! I'm going to take the opportunity to take a short nap. But before I do---I'll pose this challenge. Whether it's in print, a comment to this post, or just in your head, take a few minutes today to think of a few things that you love too. And then take a nap.

Ooh!

2008-12-03T14:28:00.003-07:00

This afternoon, I was spending some quality time bouncing Miss Emma on my lap when she looked at me and said "Ooh!" clear as day. Then she looked surprised as all get out for a moment. Up until now, her only noises have been varying volumes of cries, hiccups, and an occasional "pip" in her sleep. It was such a touching moment!

Here's a photo of her today in her monkey jumper:

Emma Update

2008-11-30T15:22:00.005-07:00

The past 2.5 weeks have been busy ones. My mom came for a week and helped a tremendous amount while we were first getting settled. JMT had to work like a fiend that week, and having mom here was so helpful--both for me and for John's peace of mind.

This last week, JMT's family was here for Thanksgiving. It was great seeing the whole family, and they all loved seeing Miss Emma.

Here are some photo highlights...

Our first walk in the park

Daddy's Lap

Mom never wanted to let her go

Before and After

2008-11-18T12:32:00.006-07:00

I am a little late in posting a final "holy cow, you are ROUND" photo, but here goes anyhow:

And here is the end result:

Our Miss Emma was born a week ago today, on November 11 at 9:44 pm. She was 7 pounds 9 ounces and 20.5 inches long. One of these days, I'll write down the whole story of her birth (14 hours of labor, and then a C-section) but I'll save that for another day.

In case you had forgotten that I'm round...

2008-10-14T09:36:00.001-06:00

John took this photo of me this weekend when we were on our way home from Vail. We would have liked to take more photos there, but unfortunately between the weather (cold rains) and having to get an early start home due to highway closures, we didn’t spend much time exploring. We did get to see the last of the gorgeous Aspens in their golden splendor, the first snow of the fall, and spend some great time together. It may well have been our last trip to the mountains without a mountain of baby gear in the trunk, so we did our best to enjoy it.

Baby Shower Photos

2008-10-14T09:29:00.003-06:00

I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to post these, but a few weeks back, my friends threw me the best baby shower! It was a gorgeous day, gorgeous setting, and so many lovely gifts. Thank you all.

It's a....

2008-10-07T13:15:00.001-06:00

Nursery!

With some help from Patty this weekend, I finished assembling the crib and moving furniture around in the guest room this weekend. It’s now officially a nursery! I keep finding myself sitting aimlessly in the easy chair we put in there and staring at the peaceful, uncluttered room.

A true mark of adulthood--this room is the first I’ve put together where all of the furniture matches! Now that the room is all put together and organized, I’m starting to feel like this is all so much more real. And like I might actually be approaching “ready”. We’ll see!

I don't think that was very nice

2008-09-16T08:59:00.003-06:00

The last week or so has been a little dramatic on the baby front. Last week, I had my first trip to the hospital after my routine OB visit revealed that all of the Braxton-Hicks I've been having had led me to be about 50% effaced. JMT and I went up to the fanciest of the hospitals here in town--it just opened last month--and I had a fetal fibronectin test, a non-stress test, and an ultrasound. All three showed that I'm not progressing into "real" labor yet, but in the mean time I'm taking it very easy and taking procardia to limit the impact of my contractions.

Last week also marked the first of our birthing classes at the public hospital near our house. The first week was fine. We practiced relaxation exercises and JMT fell asleep. Last night we had our second class, which led me to the title of this post. After we watched a video on relaxation techniques, we spent a half hour with the mamas doing relaxation exercises while our partners gave us shoulder and neck massages. It was heaven! Then the nurse who runs the class had all the partners go get bags of ice. I figured we were all goign to practice sucking on ice chips or placing the ice bags in the various places demonstrated in the video.

No.

The masochistic nurse lady had the mamas simulate contractions by immersing our hands in the bags of ice for 60-90 seconds so we could "practice our relaxation techniques in a stressful situation." It was torture! I swear my hand is still tender this morning. All told, we did about 10 "contractions" that way. I don't think this was very nice. At all. I had been stress-free for the first time in days in my blissful, massaged, happy place after the first 30 minutes of the exercises, and then I Had My Hand Submerged In A Bag Of Freezing Cold Ice. No. Not very nice at all.

The upside of the whole ice experiment is that JMT got a good chuckle. He's been having one of those super stressed-out weeks where he could work 100 hours a week and still not be done, worries about me having the kid early, and a variety of house projects that aren't finished. Watching me squirm and curse over the ice business drew him out of that for a little while. Now he's on a plane to DC for the rest of the week, and I'm going to try to finagle it so that some of his house worries are taken care of when he gets home.

29 weeks--in Portland

2008-09-02T15:09:00.001-06:00

Home and settled from our last pre-baby vacation. JMT and I had a great weekend away, but we could have used an extra day or two to really see everything we wanted to see. As it was, we focused on some of the funky neighborhoods in and around downtown. Downtown Portland reminded both JMT and I of an exceptionally walkable Boulder/Denver hybrid. If we’d had another day, we would have driven out to the coast. Next time!

Since it was only a three day trip, we still had Sunday and Monday to do work at the house. Work on the nursery has begun! Someone hauled off the guest bed on Sunday, and I did a major downstairs reorganization on Monday. I probably overdid it a little, but I have a prenatal massage scheduled for tonight after work, so the timing was just right.

I can't help myself

2008-08-22T08:32:00.000-06:00

For Mom

2008-08-19T11:15:00.002-06:00

More photos for mom. The one of JMT and I together is from Glenwood Springs in mid-June. I’m 17 weeks there.

The one of me by myself is from this morning—27 weeks.

I’m happy to report that almost 100% of my rib pain is gone. My final physical therapy appointment is tomorrow, and I have two more “maintenance” visits with the acupuncturist. I can’t believe what a dramatic difference this treatment has made! I was very skeptical of the whole concept of acupuncture before, but I’m a believer now!

No real news for JMT and me these days. He is going to go speak at a conference in Portland, OR next week, and I’m going to come up for a long weekend over Labor Day. This will probably be our last baby-less trip together for a long time. I hope the weather is nice and that we find some neat places to explore.

So much good baby info

2008-08-04T08:44:00.001-06:00

After my last plea for baby gear advice, two fabulous ladies have chimed in. As a public service, I thought I’d post Angie’s comments here (Kirstin’s are in the comments of the original post).

Thanks, Ladies!

+++++++++++++++++++

BabyBjorn Original Carrier - Chocolate Brown

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2608235&cp=2256186

*I loved this baby carrier, and I can still use it now. It's up to 25 lbs and Gianna was 22.5 at one year (8.12 when she was born). It was really nice for getting things done around the house because she just wanted to be close to me and I needed my arms free. I also liked it because it reminded me of being pregnant again. They have many different options on this one. You can get a mesh material that breathes easier or I think a stronger fabric. We just got the cheapest one, and it works great. I HIGHLY recommend staying with the BabyBjorn brand though. Some of the others just didn't feel as sturdy or safe. We also went to the store after she was born and I tried them on with her in it, so this is something that can wait until after the baby is born if you don't want to add it to the registry.

Baby Trend Playard

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2966845

*There are many different options on this. This is the brand we have (although I didn't see our pattern) and I loved it. The key things about this is to get one with a changing table that flips down and out of the way. I didn't think I would use this that much, but we had a two-story home, so I had this set up in the corner of the living room and I would set her in there to sleep. It was really nice to have a separate place to change her so that I didn't have to get on the floor (I'd had a c-section) or walk the stairs every time she needed changed. She also loved the little animals that hung over it and it would keep her occupied. Before you register, I would play with the store models and make sure that it's easy enough to break down and put away and not too heavy to carry around. This will also be nice when you come back to visit to have all your essentials in one place at the grandparents houses.

Fisher-Price Rainforest Deluxe Mobile Mirror

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2585673

*You'll want one of these for the car. Make sure that it will hook to the head rest and be easily movable so that you can always view it from your mirror without adjusting it. Also, get one that doesn't make noise. Trust me, the last thing you want when you're driving is even MORE noise!! =)

Fisher-Price Rainforest Bouncer

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2508008

*Gianna didn't like this until she was a little older and she outgrew it really fast. I didn't register for one, but a friend got it for me anyway. It was nice when she liked it, but she LOVED her swing, so we used that instead.

Fisher-Price Butterfly Garden Papasan Cradle Swing

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2674706&isTopSellingItem=true

*AWESOME swing. It turns so it will either swing from side-to-side or front-to-back. The chair tilts so that the baby can either lay down or sit up. It also plays music and has little animals that rotate around for her to look at and a mirror that she can see herself in. Also, there is a little bar that has toys as well. The biggest part of all is that it's battery operated and you can use it anywhere. (Most swings are that way now.) I think I only replaced batteries once the whole time we used it. This was the best thing we had because it was the only thing that she would sleep in when she was fussy.

Fisher-Price Rainforest Jumperoo

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2508003

*This one was great. She didn't use it until she was about 4 months old, but it gave her something to do and she was able to get her energy out in a safe place. We liked it better than the stationary ones, and better than a jumper that hung in a doorway. Plus, it comes apart easily and you can transport it.

Playtex VentAire Narrow Reusable Bottles

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2408953

*These are the bottles that we used. I had heard that other people had problems with them, but I never did and I am still using them once a day. I did nurse for the first 6 months, but you'll still use bottles every now and again even if you do. I love these because they come completely apart and you don't have to use a bottle brush to clean them out. They are completely dishwasher safe. I never really had a problem with colic. They say that they are supposed to help, but I'm not sure if they did or not.

Organic Cotton Burp Cloths

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2267606

*OK, so you don't have to get these exact burp cloths, but I did want to say that I went through a lot of trial and error trying to find some that I like a lot. I hated the "old diapers" that you could use, and the really nice ones just didn't absorb anything. So what I advise is that you find something that feels like a really thin bath towel. Also, make sure that they are wide. The really skinny/long ones are never in the right place at the right time. I got mine at Target, they came in a pack of three, but I can't find them on their website.

Medela Quick Clean Micro-Steam Bags

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2735035

*A MUST-HAVE!!! These are awesome, especially when travelling. Each bag will steam clean (in the microwave) either a bottle, breast-pump items, or pacifiers. I nursed and pumped a lot and it was nice to have the ability to clean the pump parts without having to wait for the dishwasher to run. Each bag can be re-used up to 20 times. I still use them when we're travelling to see Tony's family in Cleveland! They are great!!

Boppy

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2507965

*This was great for nursing. I used it like crazy. I think that my mom also used it for giving her bottles. It was even nice just when I was rocking her to sleep. I had one at home and one at my mom's house. (She found the second one at a garage sale for $1.00) They can be pretty pricey, but I would suggest getting an extra slipcover for it so that you can change it if anything gets on it. You can use a regular pillow, but these really are great and fit around you in a rocking chair.

Pampers 92Ct Swaddlers Diaper

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2593094&cp=2918979

*I tried a lot of different brands of diapers, and this is my favorite. I went from Pampers Swaddlers to Pampers Cruisers (when she was big enough). The tags stretch to fit around the baby, and they had the best leak protection that I found. You will always have blow-outs (as Tony calls them) but usually that just means it's time to up the size!! =)

Huggies Gentle Care Sensitive Baby Wipes

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2961743

*Again, I tried a lot of different wipes and these are my favorite. They are much thicker than the pampers wipes and seem to clean much better. You get fewer in a box, but I find that I use a lot less since they work so much better. Also, I had a wipe warmer for the house, but I really didn't like it. The wipes were cold by the time they got to the babies bottom anyway, and I always had to throw out the last 15 or so because they dried out.

Playtex Diaper Genie II

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2437622

*This is great!! It's MUCH easier to use than the first edition. You just pop open the top and push the diaper in and it has a little clamp that keeps the diapers down, and the lid shuts and all the odor is contained. It's easy to change, the top pops off and you just cut the bag (cutter is inside) and tie the end and carry it out to the trash. I've used some of the different brands inside the stores and I still can't figure out what you're supposed to do with it....

Baby Aquaphor

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2329500

*This stuff is AMAZING!! I didn't know about it until the doctor told me. You can literally use it anywhere. If she has dry skin, you can use it as a lotion. If she has diaper rash, you can use it as diaper ointment. Chapped lips - chapstick.... It's similar to Vaseline, but not as greasy. For really bad diaper rash you just mix it with a little bit of Maalox and make a paste that will get rid of anything!! This stuff is a must-have!

Newborn-to-Toddler Tub

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2403667

*This is great for the first 6 months, until she can sit up on her own. It has a little built in chair that will hold her upright so your hands can me a little more free. Any tub with a little seat in it is fine, but don't spend too much, because you won't use it for too long. They outgrow it very fast!

Inflatable Tub

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2627247

*This is the tub that I still use. I love it. You can easily travel with it. It's cheap. And if she falls over, you don't have to worry about her hitting her head on a hard surface. It fits inside a regular tub but won't slide around. And it will save you water since you won't have to fill a whole bath tub to use it.

Tub Side Seat

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2403658

*I love this. My mom doesn't like to use it, but I think it saves my back while giving her a bath. And, it has storage inside for all her toys so they are out of the tub. When she's old enough, she can use it as a stepping stool for the sink. (This also works great when we're giving our dogs a bath, too!)

Spout Cover

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2919694

*You pretty much need a spout cover. I like the inflatable ones because I think they are a bit softer. Just make sure that if you have a bath spout with a knob that you pull up to start your shower that you find a spout cover that won't block it. (I did that at my mom's house!)

Handheld Color Video Monitor

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2265802

*Another MUST HAVE. I didn't think that I would like having a video monitor that much, but I don't think I could live without it. There are several different versions, but we have the portable one. I like it because I can take it with me anywhere so if I go outside to play with the dogs or work in the yard, I can still watch her. They are expensive, but having the ability to actually see what is going on is worth every penny!!

Pacifier

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2738079

*I really liked these the best. They are flat and won't rub the baby's face. Also, it doesn't matter what direction they are so when you're driving and trying to find the baby's face to stick a pacifier in it, it won't matter if it's upside down. Most importantly, they come with a cap. It turned out that all my friends babies use the same brand as well.

Pacifier Keeper

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2784438

*These are hard to find. I wanted to invent my own because I wasn't happy with any of the ones I could find. However, this is what I finally went with. It comes with the round rubber piece that will fit around a pacifier that doesn't have a handle. Also, the rubber piece is detachable and you can velcro on a pacifier that does have a handle.

Pacifier Pod

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3152533

*Everyone thought I was crazy because I wanted this so bad, but it is so nice to have. It saves from having to dig through your purse or diaper bag to find a pacifier. I can fit 3 of the pacifiers that I use (with a cap) in it.

Disposable Dry Washcloths

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2401403

*I know that Huggies or something makes a brand of this and it is much cheaper. Anyway, these are great for travelling. They have the soap in them and you just throw them away when you're done. it saves from having a bottle of soap spill in your luggage.....

Receiving Blankets

*I can't find the ones I like online, however, the only important thing is that they be 40" X 40". Most are 30" X 40". I found some big ones and I LOVED them. They are so much easier to swaddle the baby in. I thought I got mine at Target, but I can't find them online.

Gowns

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2333854

*I actually liked the ones from Baby Gap, but there was an outlet by my house, so I could get them for pretty cheap. These were great while she was still getting up in the middle of the night. (Once she started sleeping through the night I put her in footed jammies.) These are very easy to change in the middle of the night when you're extremely exhuasted!! You don't have to worry about getting buttons right, or zipping skin. I just lifted it up, changed her, pulled it down, swaddled her up and nursed her back to sleep. I LOVED them!!

24.5 weeks

2008-08-04T08:40:00.001-06:00

It’s a little blurry, but here I am. Better pics to follow after Sis’s visit this weekend.

Rib update

2008-08-01T08:50:00.000-06:00

I’ve gotten a couple of questions about this, so I thought it good to share publicly. I’ve been going to my physical therapy and acupuncture appointments for my costochondritis twice a week for the past two weeks. While I’m not “cured,” I am feeling a fair amount better. The pain had gotten a lot worse in intensity and duration over the month preceding the beginning of treatment, and I feel like I’m back to where I was pain-wise in early June. I always feel the worst the day of physical therapy, though, because the manipulation and massage is really deep. It takes about a day to bounce back from. Moving forward, I’ll be going to physical therapy once a week now, and continuing with acupuncture twice a week for the next two weeks. Hopefully we’ll just continue to make progress!

Good news all around

2008-07-31T13:34:00.000-06:00

I had my 24 week check-up yesterday, and everything is going well. My disbelief that this would all go off without a hitch was apparently quite obvious, though. The doctor had to give me a pep talk—the crux of which is my new mantra. “You are having a healthy, normal pregnancy. You are having a healthy, normal pregnancy.”

In other news, Dan is coming home to the States next week. We are all thrilled that this deployment was short and safe. I’m not sure when I’ll get to see the kid—if/when he gets vacation, I’d assume he’ll go visit mom & dad. But hopefully we won’t have to wait too long.

And finally, JMT had a terrific weekend of racing at the velodrome this weekend. He qualified for Elite Nationals in two events. Last year we had a blast trekking out to LA for Nationals. This year, he’ll likely be on his own since my vacation balance is in jeopardy as baby hatchin’ time comes closer. In any event, I’m very proud of him.

Ma'am, Your registration please...

2008-07-25T14:30:00.005-06:00

No, I haven't been pulled over (lately). The other day I experienced a fit of panic when I realized that the baby is coming in 3 1/2 months, and the only baby gear I owned was a fleece blanket, one bib, and one burp cloth. Oh, and the free spoon and deadly plastic-containing bottle that came in the gift bag from Motherhood.

I'd begun researching baby essentials and compiling a mental wish-list of items that baby and mama will need. I also figured that the best way to keep track of what I need (and want) compared to what I have in-hand would be to register somewheres.

I'm still clueless in the baby-clothes and itty-bitty accesories departments, but I've at least identified the majority of the big items that we'll need before November. No, this isn't a plea for y'all to start shopping, but if anyone does happen to ask, "Where is Jen registered," you'll be able to answer.

Target

Amazon

The cool thing about the Amazon registry, is that if we manage to spend at least $750 on registered items before September 30, we will receive 6 months of free diapers from Seventh Generation (greener, environmentally friendly, hippy diapers).

And one final plea... if you think of things I should add to the lists, either from your own mama experiences or from other mamas you know, please let me know! I'm still trying to figure out all this tiny, tiny stuff.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

2008-07-18T16:58:00.002-06:00

I had my first acupuncture appointment today, and it wasn't scary. My ribs were a little tender to start with after PT the day before (physical manipulation and ice). Putting the needles in didn't hurt--except for two that pinched a little extra. I didn't even mind the ones he put in my ears. My ears! The weirdest part was when the doctor hooked what looked like a miniature car battery up to little leads that connected to some of the needles. The sensation of the electricity was odd, but not uncomfortable.

My pain is returning this afternoon, but so far I haven't had any extreme episodes. I'll be going to PT and acupuncture both two times a week (4 appointments per week is going to suck down my leave balance quickly!) so I'll be interested to observe if and how the pain diminishes over the next few weeks.

On an unrelated, but very happy note, I heard this week that Dan's deployment will be coming to an end soon and he'll be returning to Gulfport within the month! I'm hoping he'll have an opportunity to swing by Colorado if he gets any post-deployment leave. I'd love to see him!

Misery, thy name is Costochondritis

2008-07-16T14:01:00.001-06:00

Since I was about 12 weeks pregnant, I’ve been experiencing an unpleasant pain in my ribcage intermittently. For those of you who are googling “pregnancy, rib pain” the pain is located in the front, on my right side, just under the bra line, and occasionally radiates around my rib cage to my spine. I have long periods of the day where there’s a dull ache or tingly feeling, and then episodic bouts of stabbing pains. Sudden movements (like coughing, or throwing a ball to my dog) can exacerbate it, and as the day progresses, the pain gets worse and worse. As the weeks have gone by, the pain has become more frequent and more severe, to the point now that I’m occasionally driven to tears and have a hard time sleeping at night.

At first I thought this was all digestive in nature—as it hurt the most after eating a large meal. When it started flaring up when I had an empty stomach, I ruled that out. Then my OB started testing me for all types of internal possibilities—liver failure, gall stones, kidney issues—but everything came up clean (thank goodness!). This last appointment, she diagnosed the problem as Costochondritis. From MayoClinic.com, “Costochondritis is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects a rib to the breastbone (sternum). It causes sharp pain in the costosternal joint — where your ribs and breastbone are joined by rubbery cartilage. Pain caused by costochondritis may mimic that of a heart attack or other heart conditions.” In the last 24 hours, I’ve learned that this can affect either your right or left ribcage, but usually not both. Also, it’s not uncommon in pregnancy.

My OB and I talked about treatment options, and if I weren’t pregnant, the easy solution would be anti-inflammatories. Since these are a big no-no during pregnancy, however, we have to develop a Plan B. In my case, Plan B will include regular physical therapy and acupuncture sessions in an attempt to manage the pain and inflammation. If these fail me, I could end up in a Vicodin haze on bed-rest. Let’s hope for success!

I thought I’d post this info for those, like me, who’ve spent hours googling “pregnancy, rib pain” and haven’t gotten good information. My first PT and acupuncture visits are this week, so I’ll keep y’all posted.

And by the way, are there any readers out there who have received acupuncture before? I’m a little nervous at the prospect, but I figure it can’t be any worse than the pain I’m already in!

**Edited to Add:

It turns out this post is one of the most visited sites online about having costochondritis when you're pregnant! Who knew?

It's a shame that there isn't a better source of information out there on this disorder for pregnant ladies. But since there isn't, let's create one. If you came to this blog by searching for information about treating your costochondritis during pregnancy, would you please fill out this questionnaire in the comments? I'll compile any answers I receive and work on creating a post that summarizes our different experiences.

1-During your pregnancy, did you ever have pain in your ribcage? (If no, you’re done. If yes, please continue on.)
2-On a scale of 1-10 (1 being barely noticeable, 10 being hysterical emergency room craziness) rate the worst the pain ever felt.
3-How often did you feel this pain?
4-Did you seek treatment?
5-If yes to #4, from whom (OB, regular doctor, naturopath, etc)?
6-What was their diagnosis?
7-What was your treatment plan?
8-Did it help?
9-What was the approximate reduction in pain? You can answer numerically—for example 9-2 would mean: my pain was originally a 9, after treatment I’d rate it as a 2.
10-Did the pain continue after you delivered?
Bonus-Anything else you’d like to share about your rib pain?

How is it possible?

2008-07-03T08:25:00.000-06:00

That this little guy is such a terrorist?

It's a...

2008-06-30T16:23:00.002-06:00

girl!

Me at 18 Weeks

2008-06-19T13:53:00.000-06:00

For those of you who haven’t seen me in a while… I’m growing!

Happy Anniversary, JMT

2008-06-11T22:35:00.000-06:00

You're my favorite.

Car Fixing---You're Doing it Wrong

2008-05-19T14:11:00.002-06:00

more cat pictures

Maternity Clothes

2008-05-19T13:57:00.004-06:00

The last week has led to a major shift in my wardrobe. I'm no longer able to squeeze into even my biggest pants without some discomfort as the day wears on. So I did it. I bought a pair of maternity pants. And then another, and another.

At first it felt like a tiny defeat. I've spent my whole life trying to fit into tiny clothes. Concerned at the slightest gain or bulge. And now I can't even zip my jeans!

But then I got through my first full day of work in a pair of cute maternity pants (the kind with the tiny elastic band waist not the huge mama-jama panel) and I was so comfy! Like wearing my PJs to work!

I'm trying not to go off the deep end as I know I'll continue to grow and don't want a second wardrobe full of completely useless clothes in a couple of weeks. So I've kept the shopping to a minimum and have looked for deals where I can. I also won the maternity clothes lottery when a girlfriend from Temple gave me a giant bag full of her recent maternity gear. A lot of it is too big for now, but there are shorts and jeans and a couple of tops that fit nicely (and so comfortably) now.

So if you see any deals on maternity basics or know anyone cleaning out their closet, point me to 'em.

Overdue updates

2008-05-14T17:15:00.003-06:00

Wow! It's been over a month. So much has happened.

JMT and I went on our much anticipated trip to Hawaii. This is my favorite photo. John took it at the beginning of an epic hike down to the bottom of the Wai'ipo valley, where we froliced on a black sand beach and climbed over boulders to get to the bottom of a 1200 foot waterfall. Unbelievable!

The week after we got back to Colorado, I had my 30th birthday. The day of my birthday was quiet and nice. I worked all day and then we went to my favorite local restaurant for dinner. That weekend, though, we had a big bbq at the house, and 40+ people came around. It was a great night.

The big news this month, though, is that I'm now publicly sharing the fact that I'm pregnant. Many of you readers know this by now, but now that we're out of the first trimester, it feels safe to put in print. We're due this November. I'm blessedly getting over the morning sickness, and hopefully the demise of the fatigue will be soon to follow.

So, stay tuned for baby updates.

-J

Vegas Synopsis

2008-04-09T16:39:00.004-06:00

Had a lovely time in Vegas this weekend with Rachel. I also had the opportunity to meet some of her Vanderpeople, whom I enjoyed immensely.

What fun! My plane was delayed a little getting into town. Once I landed and hauled butt over to Planet Hollywood, I did a quick change and we went to the Daniel Boulud Brasserie. Daniel Boulud was the guest judge on Top Chef last week, and the food was divine. I had a delicious pumpkin soup with savory marshmallows and huckleberry coulis, and a terrific steak. After dinner, we met up with Rachel's Vanderposse, and went to Tryst at the Wynn. I was wowed by the screening process for letting people in--and happy that we were eventually deemed cute and young enough to go in. After about an hour or so there, we retired to a more civilized lounge (read: one with chairs) to chat and relax.

The next day was relaxing with some spa time, pool time, and shopping time, followed by dinner at the hotel's buffet and a hypnosis show. A pretty low-key day, but still a lot of fun.

When I arrived home on Sunday, dogs and JMT were happy to see me, and JMT took me out for an excellent dinner at the local Italian place.

All in all, a great weekend!

Thanks Julie, err I mean Rachel, for planning such a terrific getaway!

Writer's Block

2008-03-30T12:48:00.004-06:00

This one's for Kirstin... I'll keep working on it, but in the meantime...

All of a sudden
It's become difficult to
write a new haiku

Soldier Mail

2008-03-30T12:18:00.003-06:00

We got Dan's mailing address this week, and I sent it out to some of you. I know he'd love to get some contact from friends and family and friends of family. A few of you have had good ideas like cleaning house and sending him all of your boy-interest related magazines, or hitting the toiletry samples section of Target to send him necessities. Anyhow, if you'd like to drop him a line or send him anything, let me know and I'll email you his address right away.

I'm not gonna let no stinkin' volcano get me down

2008-03-30T12:06:00.005-06:00

So part of the reason that JMT and I are so enthralled with the idea of visiting the Big Island of HI is the active volcano on the island. We've had romantic notions of sunset hikes along the coast to see the red lava oozing into the ocean, the unbelievable looking B&B in the rainforest near the volcano that we've booked at the Volcano Village Lodge. Check out this room:

http://www.volcanovillagelodge.com/mauna_kea.shtml

Anyhow, the news has been carrying stories lately about new activity on Kilauea. It's been spewing thousand foot high plumes of ash and smoke at times. So far, the winds have kept the situation safe, but that could change at any time and screw with our trip. Here's the latest CNN story I've seen on the drama:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TRAVEL/getaways/03/28/kilauea.eruption.ap/index.html

So for those of you who are Hawaii locals (and I have two readers in HI now!), can you keep me posted? Is this really the big deal that the national media is making it into?

Sage

2008-03-26T08:20:00.004-06:00

I read this this morning in a daily email I receive from the Union for Reform Judaism. I thought it was interesting and beautiful.

*************

Galilee Diary
by Marc Rosenstein

Sage

It used to be that the burial of the dead was harder for the family than the actual death [because of the cost]; it reached the point where they would put down the body and run away – but then Rabban Gamaliel came and set an example by having himself buried in a linen garment, and all the people followed him and were buried in linen garments.
-Babylonian Talmud, Mo’ed Katan 27b

The other day I was walking the dog early in the morning, when I encountered a pickup truck parked on the shoulder of the road up to our new neighborhood. The road runs past a patch of rocky hillside covered with wild flowers, wild herbs, and thistles. An Arab man and a teenage boy were wading through the greenery, bringing to the truck armloads of wild sage plants they had pulled out. Trifoliate sage is one of the most common wild herbs in this area – it grows everywhere, sturdy, fragrant, waist-high evergreen bushes which at this season are covered with stalks of little pink-to-white flowers. It is used not only as a seasoning and as a tea herb, but has a long list of reputed medicinal uses, from settling an upset stomach to soothing mouth sores, lowering blood sugar, and improving memory.

The villagers around us often go out to collect rarer herbs at this season – and their uprooting of marjoram (za'atar) plants is an issue, as it is a protected species and is highly valued, like sage, as a seasoning and as a medicine. Sometimes the conflict even escalates to shouting matches or a call to the police by a zealous citizen. But I'd never seen anyone collecting sage here before, and right there along the main road at a busy time of day. So I asked. "Oh," the man answered, "We have a funeral. We need this for a funeral." "Ah, I see," I said, and kept walking. And hurried home to look it up…

Sure enough, trifoliate sage is an important element in Moslem funeral ceremonies. (I have visited a mourning tent, and seen a funeral from the distance, but never actually participated in one close up). Sometimes the body is laid on a bed of it; it is also used to make garlands and to strew over the grave. Its main appeal is its fragrance, which simply makes the funeral and the cemetery more esthetic, but also is believed to attract angels and repel demons. Moreover, since sage is also used in ceremonies at the birth of a baby, it is seen as symbolizing the whole life cycle. As it happened, the next day was a meeting the study group of imams that I help facilitate, and they confirmed exactly what I had learned from the internet. Who knew?

Having been brought up knowing that Jews don't use flowers at funerals, I was quite taken aback at my first Jewish funeral here to discover that it is customary to bring wreathes and bouquets and pile them on the newly filled-in grave before leaving the cemetery. Later I found out that what I thought I knew was indeed correct, and at strictly Orthodox funerals, flowers are not brought. Most funerals in Israel are conducted under the supervision of the local religious council and presided over by the local Orthodox rabbi, but attended by people who assume that piling flowers on the grave is normative. And no one tells them it is not. So I guess that means that it is.

Whether beautified by sage from the neighbors' field, or by expensive wreathes from the florist shop, or none of the above, one thing common to Jewish and Moslem funerals in all communities here is the fundamental simplicity. The infamous funeral "industry" of North America has not yet found its way here. Most people in Israel, Jewish and Moslem, are buried as soon as possible after death (sometimes the same day) in a white shroud (no coffin); or if in a coffin, then in a plain wooden box.

And afterwards, I guess, we all go to the same place.