Things I've Learned Along the Way--Information Overload

I struggle with two competing parts of my personality. One part wants to read and learn everything there is in print (on paper and the web) on whatever particular subject is of interest. I am a prolific researcher, and can find and analyze seventeen different viewpoints on a subject in the time it takes me to eat a granola bar. This is the part of me that makes me a great student, and analytic thinker at work, and a well-informed person in general. Then there’s the other part of me that operates on instinct, and feels terrifically conflicted when too many viewpoints come together and contradict one another. In most parts of my life, I can feel my way through these conflicts, and figure out which data works for me, and which is just background noise. But there are times, especially when the stakes are high, that I experience information overload and I have a hard time finding my way through the pile of thoughts, philosophies and statistics, and seeing the way I should take.

Pregnancy, childbirth and parenting information have brought me to that second place. The stakes are so high. Look at the post below… the person in question here is perfect. If I take the wrong advice, do the wrong thing, I could potentially harm that perfect little being. I know that’s an overstatement, but the overwhelming experience of being a first-time parent doesn’t always lead one to understatement.

As I’ve slogged through the last 4.5 months of new-parenthood and the 9 months before it, I’ve alternated between reading everything I can get my hands on, and periods of “data abstinence” brought on so that I don’t lose my mind. I wholeheartedly recommend stepping away from the bookshelf from time to time, and not letting any overzealous authors, bloggers or web-board posters get under your skin.

I have found some books to be helpful to varying degrees, and wanted to post my thoughts on them.

• The ubiquitous What to Expect When You’re Expecting: Yes, I read it, but no I don’t recommend it. But I don’t recommend against it either. There are no secret pearls of wisdom in this book that aren’t available a hundred other places. That said, it is a decent compendium. Maybe if you don’t have internet access at home, it would be good to have a copy for reference.
• Ditto What to Expect the First Year: I actually have two copies of this. Again, no insights that the internet can’t give me. That said, I do keep a copy by the bed and I do refer to it at night, when I need to read something while the kiddo nurses. If you need a copy, let me know and I’ll send you my spare.
• The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy: Again, neither here nor there. There’s nothing new under the sun in this type of pregnancy book. But it did give a frank description of some of the less glamorous aspects of pregnancy and birth that others may gloss over or portray as insignificant. And it occasionally exuded some *mild* attitude that I liked. There are some kick-ass bloggers out there, however, that dish this attitude in spades and in a much funnier and more insightful way. I read a used copy from a garage sale. I think I paid the right amount for this book.
• The Nursing Mother’s Companion: I haven’t read a lot of books about breastfeeding, so I can’t give a comparative review, but this book was my best friend in the first few weeks of Emma’s life. Emma and I have had a fairly uncomplicated nursing relationship (good latch, decent supply), so I haven’t needed the expert knowledge of say, a lactation consultant. But I did have a LOT of questions about whether or not I was “doing it right” (e.g. frequency, duration, amount consumed, sleeping arrangements). I found a lot of very useful information in this book and would wholeheartedly recommend it a first-time mother who wants to nurse. I’ve heard that the follow-up books in this series lean toward the judgey-judgey side, so I can’t speak for them. But this one is on my top three list for sure.
• The Happiest Baby on the Block: It’s important to know what this book is for. It is not the answer to all of your baby’s sleep problems. It will not get your baby to “sleep through the night” if he/she is not inclined to do so already. The book is very narrowly focused at methods to get a newborn calm from crying/fussing. And at that, it is very good. Almost eerily good. If you’re expecting, get this book before the kiddo is born and be prepared. You can and should use the methods it suggests starting on day 1. Now that we’re at 4.5 months with Emma, not all of the remedies work anymore like they did in the earliest days, but some are still effective.
• Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child: Where to begin. I’ll try not to be too snarky. I know a lot of people who think this book is the gospel, but I honestly don’t know if they read it. I mean, really read it. Frankly, I don’t know if an editor read it before publication. Yes, it contains a lot of good scientific data about why good sleep patterns are important for a child. But it does not provide a prescriptive method for achieving said sleep. Basically it says, “some people use this one method and it works, others use this other method and it works, and I have no specific advice about which to try.” Then there’s that thing about it being written really poorly which irked me to no end. I am reading a self-help book about baby sleep because my child will not sleep. Consequently, I am tired. Very tired. As is probably just about everyone else who is reading this book. We should not have to re-read a paragraph two or three times to understand what the author is saying. Nor should we have to re-read the same information two to three times in the different (and sometimes even the same!) chapters because you forgot to edit the book. Often the author forgot to even write the book, and instead just posted his cryptic outlines. Okay, enough about that.
• Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems (aka, the Ferber book): This book is on its way to me from Amazon. As noted above, my child will not sleep. At least not for increments greater than 3 hours. I know this is tied to her development cycles and cannot be changed easily. But I’d like to get away from the every two-three hour night nursing schedule we’re currently on. So I need guidance about how to humanely not address all the crying that happens when Emma wakes up and wants to nurse. I know the Ferber method is contentious, but I’m going to at least read the book before I cast judgment. [For those not in the know, the Ferber method proscribes a method of graduated extinction, letting the baby learn to Cry-It-Out or otherwise self-soothe itself back to sleep. A lot of parenting activists believe this is cruel and unusual punishment. I do not yet know what I think.]
• Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense: Another I haven’t read yet, but one that comes highly recommended about beginning the transition to solid foods. So far, we think we’re going to attempt a system of baby-led weaning at around 6 months, rather than force-feed pureed baby foods. I’ll report back when I read the book and learn more.