Facebook Redux

In the past few weeks, I've been spending more time on Facebook than I care to admit.  After being "tagged" a number of times to complete the ubiquitous 25 things nonsense, I complied the other night.  After putting it all together, I was actually a little proud of myself, so I thought I'd cut and paste here for posterity.

1. I don't know where to start. There's a lot of things about me, but I feel weird writing about them in this format.

2. I'm married to my high school sweetheart. We started dating senior year, and have been together ever since. I know it's unusual for relationships that start when one is seventeen to make it for very long, but so far so good!

3. I'm a new mom. I have an amazing, sweet, tiny baby named Emma. Before she was born, I didn't "get" the whole baby thing. But now I do. Sorry to all of y'all who saw my eyes glaze over when you told me your baby stories. Tell them to me again. I'm paying attention now!

4. I'm having a hard time making peace with the idea of returning to work next week. I've been home on maternity leave since mid-November. The idea of staying home for good is a foreign concept for me, since I've always been so focused on my career, but I'm starting to toy with it. I cry when I think about returning to work full-time and all the mental capacity that work will take away from what I give my daughter. I feel like I'm at a crossroads. On the one hand, I have a good career trajectory right now, and could continue advancing and earning more money, and on the other hand, I have this beautiful baby that I don't want the lady at daycare to raise for me. 

5. In addition to the new kiddo, I have a house full of animals. Currently I have two dogs and one cat. All of them were "impulse buys" because of where I was emotionally when they came into my life, or because their stories were so sad. There's my cat Walter, who we bought the week of 9/11 when I needed something to brighten up my life in DC, Rance, the puppy with distemper we adopted two days after George W. was re-elected and I was in a demoralized funk, and Wiley, the geriatric weenie that we adopted off of death row at the pound because he was the most pathetic looking creature I'd ever met. 

6. I'm disappointed by how hard it is for me to write these days. When I was a kid, I was a good creative writer, but now it's hard for me to channel my voice on paper (or on the screen). I feel like writing should be a good creative outlet for me, so I keep at it. But I'm never thrilled with the results. My current labor of love is a blog I keep at www.gaylejk.blogspot.com. Come post comments. It makes me happy when people do.

7. In line with the writing thing, I wish I had an aptitude for the visual arts. I would love to be able to draw or paint, or to figure out how to make a photo turn out nicely. As it is, I just try to live vicariously through the people I know who are good at that kind of thing.

8. Since it doesn't require any actual artistic talent, I scrapbook. I always thought that it was a hobby for old biddies, but then I started finding the zen in cutting and pasting, so I no longer judge. Plus, it's a hobby that requires a lot of shopping. 

9. I've shed more tears this election cycle than I care to admit. I'm still an idealist when it comes to the idea of civic engagement. The fact that so many people got excited this election season was amazing and beautiful to me. In local politics, my job was also on the line this election, so I certainly had some nervous anxiety about that as well.

10. With the exception of one ill-fated and short-lived job in the private sector, All of my "real" jobs have been for the government--whether it was state, federal or local. While I could make a lot more money working in the private sector, I can't imagine not being part of government. That said, I have no desire to run for office. I think that the politics side of government is ugly.

11. I like sloths. 

12. At the age of 30, I finally got a set of matching chairs to go with my kitchen table.

13. I live in a tiny log cabin that I love so much, I'm willing to forego a lot of cool things I'd like to have (like a dresser that fits all my clothes) in order to continue inhabiting it. Actually, I think it will be good for Emma to have limits to the amount of stuff she can have so that she doesn't get too wrapped up in having the latest everything. 

14. Since I've been home on maternity leave, I've succumbed to a very guilty pleasure. Yes, I watch a soap opera. And not even one of the moderately believable ones. I watch Days. Go ahead and judge me. I know... it's not good.

15. One thing I've given up on since I've been home on leave is reading books about how to raise a baby. They were all making me crazy. When I found myself letting the baby cry while I dug through a pile of books looking for answers about how to make her stop crying, when what I could have just done was pick her up, I knew it was time to put down the books and just be.

16. I'm a little addicted to the internet. Okay, a lot addicted to the internet. Having a new (wonderful) macbook doesn't make it any easier to quit, because I feel like I need to spend a lot of time on the computer in order to justify getting it. 

17. I love how facebook has made me feel more connected with friends--old and new, but I worry that I'm worse at making actual human contact because of it. One of these days we need to have a facebook boycott day and just call everyone we feel like talking to. But not today, 'cause I'm not finished typing this up yet.

18. My idea of a fantastic afternoon is to cuddle up in my cushy red easy chair with a cup of hot tea and a book. But I never get that afternoon because there's always so much to do and so many places to go. 

19. I love being in school. I've always been kind of nerdy, but the older I get, the more I idealize academia. I really like where John and I live now, but there aren't any PhD programs around here in my field. I'd like to move to a city with a good program and go full-time. And then I'd be Dr. Jen. How scary would that be?

20. Until I got married, everybody called me Jenny, but afterwards, I thought that Jenny sounded funny with Teal, so I started going by Jen. It's funny because I know how old of a friend you are by whether you call me Jenny or Jen. 

21. When I'm not on maternity leave, I teach Sunday School at my Temple. Right now I have first and second graders. I have a lot of fun teaching them, and it makes me think I would have had a good time as a school teacher. Teaching Sunday School is a good way for me to be involved with my Temple, since I feel a little socially awkward with the adults there. In a lot of ways, I still feel like a kid, and I have a hard time associating with all the grown-ups.

22. I'm making a concerted effort to wear clothes that have more saturated colors in them. I've recently realized that most of what I wear is pretty blah. So I'm trying to be more vibrant. I need Stacey and Clinton to come and tell me what not to wear.

23. I watch more TV than I care to admit. Right now, my favorites to watch with John are Lost, The Office, 30 Rock and Top Gear, and when I'm on my own, I'll watch any of the TLC/HGTV reality shows that are on. And Days. But we've already talked about that.

24. I have an issue with getting sucked into volunteer work, so much so that other areas of my life suffer. I've had to make a very conscious effort in the past year to scale back my "extra-curriculars" such that I have time to sleep, spend time with John, and take care of myself.

25. This was hard! And it took me a lot longer to do than I expected. Whew! And by the way, I'm not tagging any of y'all because I don't want to you feel like you're on the hook to do this.

Sleep!

Last night was a big achievement for baby Emma.  JMT is away on travel, so it was just the two of us.  She slept in her own bassinet from 10:30 to 3:00, woke up for a half hour to eat, and then slept the rest of the night in her bassinet!  This might not sound like a huge accomplishment to those whose babies have always slept in their own beds, but Emma has been co-sleeping since about four weeks--when JMT and I realized that we might actually get some sleep if Emma slept in the bed with us.

I never planned to be an advocate of co-sleeping.  It always seemed a little new-agey to me, bringing to mind stories of parents whose 10 year olds still sleep in the family bed.  But when Emma was about four weeks old, JMT and I were at our wits end.  When we would lay Emma down in her crib or bassinet, she'd act as if it was electrified and shocking her.  She'd scream and flail and freak out until we picked her back up.  On numerous nights, I "slept" in an easy chair with her in my arms, nursing nearly non-stop.  The only times she was at peace was in the bed with us.  Because we were in a sleepless haze, it took us a while to have that lightbulb moment, but when we did, we gave up on trying to put her down in her own bed, and gave co-sleeping a whirl.

I've enjoyed the closeness with Emma, and the extra sleep it's gotten us.  And I adore the tiny "minnow kisses" that Emma gives the inside of my arm when she's woken up ready to nurse and I'm still sleeping.  But there are some disadvantages.  Namely, you're never really all the way asleep when your tiny baby is lying in bed with you.  Sure, it's better than not sleeping at all, but it's still not the quality restful sleep that I've been longing for.  Also, in order to minimize the SIDS risk, we've been sleeping with the covers pushed down around our waists.  And it's winter.  In Colorado.  My top half has been freezing for the past month and a half!  And then there's the spit-up on my newly washed sheets.  But who's complaining?

It's on this backdrop of mixed emotions about co-sleeping that I've been trying to put Emma to bed once she's fallen asleep in our bed.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  For the last week or so, she's taken to falling asleep in our bed, allowing me to transport her to the bassinet without totally freaking out, and then sleeping there for three to five hours--but spending the rest of the night in our bed, frantically nursing to make up for the terrible hours she spent six feet away from us.  

Last night, I tried laying her down in the bassinet after her 3:00 wake up and meal, and she miraculously didn't fuss about it.  The irony is that I was so certain that she'd wake up and change her mind at any minute, that from 3:30 to 4:30, I lay there anxiously awake, ready to spring up as soon as she started to yell.  And then once I fell asleep, I woke up frantically around five because the covers were up around my neck and I was toasty warm, and I was horrified that Emma was in the bed and I was somehow smothering her.  

One of these days, I'll learn how to sleep through the night too.

Swing photo shoot

Here are a few photos from Emma's swing

A special day

It might just be wishful thinking, but as Emma and I watched the Inauguration this morning, I swear she started paying attention to the television as President Obama spoke.

I don't have words to describe how amazing today feels for me.  Watching Emma sort of focus on the television while our new President spoke was just a little too much for me to handle.  I'm filled with so much hope for her and for the world that she will grow up in.

Photos!

Back by popular demand...

Miss Emma!

Playing with her baby "gym"

Wearing her adorable froggy suit

I'm a big kid now

JMT and I have now reached adulthood.  No, it wasn't the birth of our child that got us here.  It was finally purchasing a set of matching dining room chairs.  They even match our table!

I ordered them on sale from West Elm, and they arrived today.  In a fit of domesticity, I assembled the chairs, cleaned the upstairs extensively (I even mopped!) and carried three loads of cardboard and bottles down to the city recycling dumpster parked down the street.

Hooray for daycare!

Clean bill of health

Emma had her two-month appointment with the pediatrician yesterday.  After a thorough once-over, she was deemed a perfectly functioning two-month old.  We talked about Emma's recent fussiness, and the ped gave us this knowing smile and said something about as comforting as "Yup, that's a baby for ya."  

Her height and weight are progressing okay, as are her developmental milestones.  Emma showed us up after I told the doc that she only occasionally pushes her whole top half up off the floor when we're having tummy time.  The doctor rolled her on her belly, and Em immediately did her little baby push-up, making me look foolish.  But that's okay.

The worst part of the visit was the shots.  She got three shots in her little meaty thighs, and one oral vaccine.  John had to hold her down on the table for the shots, while I sat on the bench and tried not to cry.  She rebounded beautifully though, and within a minute was happily nursing like nothing ever happened.  No sign of reactions to the shots yet, but keeping an extra watchful eye.  Not particularly difficult since I had to work until after midnight last night!

Dear Mr. Graco

Thank you for inventing the Graco Silhouete infant swing. Its 2 speed soothing vibrations, removable deluxe body support and fabric covered motion mobile were a life-saver last night.

JMT and I had been avoiding purchasing a swing because we'd heard that it was an expensive item that would only be useful for a few weeks. Then Friday night happened. Emma could. not. be. consoled. She screamed at max volume, flailing and making herself hoarse for two hours on JMT's watch before he passed the baton. I was only able to get her quiet by nursing her, which I did constantly from 2 am to 8 am.

After a little reading, we realized that Miss Emma fits the textbook definition of colic to a T. Three or more hours of fussiness/crying a day, three or more days a week, for three weeks. Damn. Thats us.

Saturday morning, I re-read all of my sleep books and realized we are doing everything that's suggested... except a swing. So off to Target we went. And as it turns out, every other parent of an Infant in Southwest C-Springs must have had the same night we did, because they were completely out of swings. Not one left in stock.

Under normal circumstances, I would have taken that as a sign that we should give up, but yesterday I was determined. So I took JMT to Babies R Us, and we struggled for quite a while, trying to decide between the Silhouette, and a $40 cheaper model that appeared to be no different except without the 2 speed soothing vibrations. We discussed the merits of each model for a good while, but realized that if the cheaper swing didn't work, we'd always second guess our decision, thinking that maybe the vibration mode would have been the secret.

So, long installation story later, the swing was up and running last night. Emma fussed for exactly one minute when we put her in it, and was asleep 11 minutes later. I had resolved that it would be okay for her to sleep in the swing at night, but tried to put her to bed in her crib just in case she was soothed enough to get over the fact that every night for the past month, she's reacted to the crib as if it were electrified and shocking her every time we laid her down in it. It worked! She slept in her crib for four hours last night! She woke up to eat twice between midnight and 7, and is calmer and more composed this morning after a good night's sleep than she's been in a while.

Thank you Mr. Graco!

Things I love

On a nearly daily basis over the past month, I've thought to myself that I should get on the ball and post some updates here. But then every day, life takes over and I don't get around to it. Today I read a post on A Little Pregnant that summed up my dilemma well.

I had a moment of utter gratitude this morning that my life has turned out the way it has. So I thought it would be a good exercise this morning to make a list of things that I love.

-Most obviously---my family. JMT, Emma, our parents and siblings, and our friends. I am blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing people who love me and who I love.
-Those moments where Emma is standing in my lap, looking over my shoulder at something thoroughly fascinating, and then her knees buckle and she's just a tiny pile of baby in my lap looking up at me like "What just happened?" (yes, I'm supporting her weight with my hands under her arms--no worries)
-My new mac. I'm typing on it now. It makes me happy.
-Emma's bouncy chair. G-d only knows why it makes her so happy. But anything that makes her that happy (and quiet) makes me happy. Very happy.
-Wearing yoga pants on maternity leave. My jeans fit (about which I'm very happy too) but there's nothing as cozy and versatile as these yoga pants! And I got the ones that are made for "tall" people, so they're actually long enough and don't look like ill fitting high water pants.
-The movie WALL-E. JMT and I watched it last night. It was precious. As far as animated movies go, it's one that I won't mind hearing a thousand times from the backseat of the car when Emma is at that stage.
-Emma's gummy smiles. At first I fell into the "It's just gas" camp when it came to Emma's smiles, but now she smiles with her whole self, and you can tell that she really means it. If you could only see her eyes during one of her smiles, you'd know she was truly happy.

There are a thousand other things I could mention in this post. But right now something else that I love just happened. Emma just fell asleep! I'm going to take the opportunity to take a short nap. But before I do---I'll pose this challenge. Whether it's in print, a comment to this post, or just in your head, take a few minutes today to think of a few things that you love too. And then take a nap.